Coroner's Inquest

Derby Jones

2011-12-29T19:31:00.000-08:00

Well, get over your derby jones. RCR derby is all about to start again and you won't know what hit you. Cherish the last precious weeks of relative silence until Portland derby cranks up again, and the joyous tumult of it all envelops and destroys your very being. Or something.

Special draft tonight. The Betty they call Frisky wrote about it yonder. RCR will likely have word on the deal at their weblog at some point.

I wonder what the future holds.

Local league season opener Jan 21 at the Coliseum.

Heathers skating some shooby-doo thing in Eugene the following weekend, listed thither. To wit:

Roller derby: Andromedolls vs. Heartless Heathers/Flat Track Furies vs. Church of Sk8in, 6 p.m. Jan. 28, 2012, Lane Events Center, 769 W. 13th Ave., Eugene. Admission: $12-$17. Information: www.brownpapertickets.com.

Big snaps to Amanda HugNKill for carrying on the GnR blog. See ya 'round the neighborhood.

I would credit this photo, if I knew who took it:

Cheerio.

9:13 PM DRAFT UPDATE:

(via FB) - "The Heartless Heathers would like to welcome: Toxic Haste, Moxie Roxem, Headache and Bella Constructor to the ice box!"

Frenchie!

2011-09-13T18:02:00.001-07:00

Survival Guide to Feasterville

2011-06-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of year once again to descend upon the sleepy town of Feasterville. I really enjoy this weekend, and look forward to it every year. It’s a very relaxing and stress-free vacation. So for those of you who are new to the Feasterville experience, I’m providing you with a Survival Guide to Feasterville.

Transportation: One of the beauties of Feasterville is that the shuttle bus transports you between your hotel and the Sportsplex, and runs every 20 minutes. So for a flat rate of twenty bucks, you can have unlimited transportation to and from your hotel all weekend (provided that you stay at one of the host hotels). A word of caution from an experienced Feastervillian – follow all of the posted bus rules!

Food & Drink: There is a huge pool on the grounds, and there is a pool party that goes on everyday from noon until 8:00 PM. The beer is good and cheap, and the barbecue is great! I take all of my meals at the pool party for the entire weekend. No need to go anywhere else. There is even a bake sale there where you can buy delicious homemade baked goods (and fresh apples for only fifty cents!)

Activities: The Sportsplex is a lovely place to spend a weekend. There is the pool, the soccer field, and a small trail through the woods to a nice stream. And if all of that isn’t enough, there happens to be some roller derby going on in the building across the parking lot from the pool. You might want to check that out if you get bored.

See you there!

Video archive of the Heathers/Betties bout

2011-04-05T10:41:00.000-07:00

Slice and dice these performances, if you will -

How did we miss this?

2011-03-04T12:06:00.000-08:00

Very amusing, long, detailed discussion of the Heartless Heathers overtime victory over Grave Danger at 17:40 of last week's Derby Deeds podcast.

They start talking about Rose/Rat 4x4 around 16:40. Derby Deeds is always a good listen.

Nice Jules Doyle still of a White Flight leaping start on that page too.

Oh, say, tonight the Wheels of Justice go against the Denver Roller Dolls at 8 p.m. Pacific. If you're not in Bremerton for the Wild West Showdown, you can watch a live stream at the WWS site or at DNN.

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

Babble on PiG. Babble on.

2011-03-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it's the inspiration I feel on National PiG Day that has gotten me off my lazy blogger ass or maybe it's just being done with the loathsome month of February that has lit my fire. Either way it's been a while since I posted anything, so here we go.

Things I've missed:

Heathers lose to those High Rollers in Bout 2. I like to think it's early in the season and things will change. I pray we don't have another year of the Heartless ones being Gang Green's B!tch. Break the curse in 0'11!

WoJ whoops up on Detroit. Well...thank god! It seems to me, if they can dominate the crap out of the #1 from the North Central division, they should probably be able to take out the #4 which they did handily. This further illustrated that WooF Duh's divisional system is broken. You validate me. Thank YOU!

Heathers win in Seattle? EPIC! I had a huge dopey derby drunk grin on my face as I strolled through that arena after the big win against Grave Danger. As any long time reader knows, I think 30 minute bouts are for sucks, so in my mind I am waiting for the second half which will be played out here April 24th at the Memorial Coliseum.

Then we had handsome George's shitstorm. (Literally)

I didn't agree with George's take, as noted in the comment string but I do support his right to say what he needs to say. I will also admit that there were lulz, lots and lots of lulz as I read his post.

There seems to be a lot of a "Stay Positive", T-Ball-esque, groovy love vibe that surrounds derby. That makes sense if you are in a league or on a team. You are creating a supporting atmosphere to develop talent and create this unified thing. We are just fans. We buy tickets, craploads of merch, floor tiles and drinks, just not your always positive bullshit and hype. Though we all come together as Rose City fans for the All Star events, Intraleague play means some people I like...are rooting against my team. I get that. It makes sense to my dumbass. It's a sport with teams playing for a win and a record, for a place and bragging rights.

This blog is also not an Official Rose City Rollers blog. We are not brownshirts for "the League", we are just fans. I like to think of myself as a true sports fan of a REAL sport, Roller Derby. That being said, I expect to have the rights of any real sports fan. I want to call bullshit when I see it. I want to love my team and hate my team depending on what I see from my fans perspective. There needs to be a critical eye somewhere and though sometimes we may say things you don't like, someone has to say it.

This is a Fan Driven Blog.

As for George? Well, he stood by his statements and took his punishment from Scald herself. It doesn't look to me like she needs any help defending her honour.

The picture was stolen from Kanna, George's awesome Derby Wife, over on the social network. Hopefully that is enough vengeance for RCCC (Rose City Chest Crappers...read that comment thread, it's seriously kinky shit.)

The only other option we really have is Censorship...

Speaking of Censorship, Wild West Showdown is this weekend up in Bremerton. Our WoJsters will be playing three bouts over the course of the first two days, of this three day event. They take on the "classy" looking team from Denver Friday night. Saturday they do double duty taking on Philly @ 4pm and the Ratz @ 8pm. With two main tracks, 17 WFTDA teams in the house and a crazy challenge bout track, it is a mind numbing 3 day Derby overdose. Provided of course that you don't show up at the venue with a copy of Hellarad on your person.

Yes, the rumors are all true, some Kitsap County Commissioner with a stick up his or her ass found a copy of the d-bag rag last year and has banned the "Worlds Most Ignacious Skate Zine" from this year's event. Of course the ban is seen as somewhat of a challenge. You see, you can not have a copy of the zine on your person, but you can use your person to show some support of the Hella-crew without jeopardizing the SCRV or the event.

On Saturday March 5th, it's Hellarad Appreciation Day. If you have a Hellarad shirt? Wear it or buy one from Cruz Skateshop. You can hit up my friends at Flat Track Revolution for an awesome Hellarad hip bag. They will be selling their stylish wears at the event. Of course if you are low on dough, there is the Hellarad name badge game. They can ban the zine but they can't ban the lulz.

We'll play catch up after this weekend. Travel safe, Derby Fans.

Sudden Death in Seattle

2011-02-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

Snaps to YouTuber StillFlame.

Tuesday Heathers Googling

2011-02-22T13:36:00.000-08:00

A gentleman named Dave Hammargren enjoyed his night of derby at the Rose/Rat bouts, as he describes at The Blog Without a Name:

The bout of the night turned out to be the third match-up where Grave Danger took on the Heartless Heathers. Thirty minutes of derby action wasn’t enough for this one and “sudden death” was needed tied 82 all as regulation ended. The Heartless Heathers forced the overtime period with a miracle final jam and rode the momentum to another big jam in the “sudden death” to claim a hard fought victory. All in all, quite an exciting night of derby action.

Over at YouTube, emilybee1 uploaded a nice little clip of White Flight jamming against Carmen Getsome in the aforementioned match-up. Carmen takes a beating from Sol Train and Mercy before finally taking lead. Whitey is a joy to watch as always, leaping off the line, tailing Carmen closely and forcing a call with barely a pass.

And lest we forget, it's damn near party time.

Go show the Heathers all your hot monkey love.

Heartless Heathers defeat RCRG's Grave Danger 95 to 89!

2011-02-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

Mercy!

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

Tonight's Rose/Rat 4x4 will be live-streamed at DNN

2011-02-19T15:26:00.000-08:00

HERE!

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

If you go to one party this year,

2011-02-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

make it this one:

From the Heathers' FB:

Love 'em or leave 'em with a night hosted by your favorite cold hearted ladies - The Heartless Heathers! Complete with full bar, music, dancing, skate-able floor, and the notorious games and attractions that have made these parties go down in infamy over the last six years. Don't miss the spanking booth, Human Wheel of MISfortune, Anti-Valetine's video studio, and much more!

$7 suggested donation at the door. 21 and over.

Sounds promising.

The action happens Saturday, February 26 at 9:00pm - February 27 at 3:00am at DUMHO Space (SE 2nd & Hawthorne). Very convenient by bus, by the way.

Big ol’ Betty Victory

2011-02-01T13:33:00.001-08:00

Okay, I’m finally getting caught up on my blogging. Sorry for being so far behind…

Well, unfortunately I was unable to make it to last Friday’s Heathers’ scrimmage, but I hear that it was the total blowout that I was expecting. So I don’t feel too bad about missing it, but I did catch the Bettie vs. G’nR bout the following evening. This was yet another massive blowout. I wasn’t surprised, as that was what I was expecting. G’nR has been gutted of its star players by the Travel Team Only option that has also claimed our beloved JeLLyPiG and my lovely derby wife Kanna this season (or at least for the past weekend). Therefore I didn’t expect much from G’nR when I showed up at the hangar on Saturday. My expectations were confirmed soon after the first whistle blew. And man, did it ever blow!

I’ve been hearing MASSIVE amounts of hype surrounding Scald Eagle, so I was really curious to see what she was all about. Apparently Scald Eagle was originally on the Betties, but then switched to the Guns and Rollers amid some drama that derby girls are so well noted for. What I noticed was that Scald Eagle, much like her team G’nR, never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity. What I mean by that is that there were so many times that she got lead jammer, yet failed to score a single point. Twice I saw her trip over what appeared to be her own skates, and once she fell after bumping into one of her own teammates (jam #13). All of those incidents took place after she established lead jammer status. Also, she receives way too many penalties to begin to live up to the hype that I hear people saying about her. Sorry, but in my opinion I don’t think that Scald Eagle is the magic bullet that G’nR needs this season.

The Betties defense was awesome (oh my god, am I saying a second nice thing about the Betties in the same day??? WTF?!?!). Even when G’nR would find themselves in a powerjam situation, the Betties would keep them from scoring. Take jam #15 for example – Harajuke Girl found herself in a powerjam situation with all four of her blockers. The Betties only had two blockers on the track. Yet the Betties kept G’nR from scoring that entire jam. And that didn’t just happen in Jam #15, either.

I’ll save you the pain of going through my notes jam-by-jam and describing how G’nR missed opportunity after opportunity. There’s no reason to beat a dead, smelly horse. Couple that that with the fact that the Betties were on fire that evening, and you have the makings of another epic G’nR ass whipping. Final score was Betties 209 to G’nR 73 (no, that’s NOT a typo). I chatted with a cool, calm, and collective coach Mr. DeRange briefly in the parking lot after the bout. He nonchalantly mentioned as he rolled a cigarette “George, I tried to hold back and take it easy on them and tried not to score so many points, but I can only do so much!”

So this Friday at the hangar we have our very own WOJ taking on the Detroit Derby Girls (8:00 PM), followed by the Heathers vs. the High Rollers the following evening (6:00 PM). I may let my lovely derby wife Kanna use my season pass for Friday, but you better bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be there on Saturday to see the Heathers take on the High Rollers. I have a shirt picked out for that evening already!

Heathers Por Vida!

What a season opener!

2011-02-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, I know I’m a little bit late with this recap, but it’s just a busy time of year for me. The season opener at the Coliseum was phenomenal, in my opinion! I loved everything about it. If you were a photographer, you were singing the blues, but if you’re a volunteer you loved not having to set up the lights. Also, the location couldn’t be beat. I can stagger home drunk from there no problem. Anyway, on to the bout recap(s).

The first of the mini-bouts was the much anticipated matchup between the Heartless Heathers and the Guns 'n Rollers. G’nR is looking really bad this season (and I don’t mean “bad” in a good way), while the Heathers are looking great. So this bout was the total blowout that I was predicting. It started off with each team gaining a few points each jam, but G’nR trailing behind slightly. Then, as early as jam #5 the Blast Unicorn found herself in a powerjam situation and gained 20 points for the Heathers. What ensued after that was an ass kicking of epic proportions. The Heathers have such strong jammers and such effective blockers, that they made G’nR look like the Rosebuds out there.

When the Heathers say that they have successfully combined the new talent with the old, they’re not just feeding you a line of bullshit. It’s the truth! D-Day, TeqKillYa, and Sol Train are as effective as ever. Even the not-so-new-yet-not-so-old Heathers really shined. Blast Unicorn, Butcher Block, White Flight, and She Rex all looked strong. Some of our newest team members really impressed me that evening. Mercy had no problem getting lead jam again and again. She makes it look easy out there, and I expect her to emerge from this season as one of the Heathers’ shining stars.

The second mini-bout of the evening was the Breakneck Bettie vs. the High Rollers. This was a much more evenly matched bout. The Betties are looking really good this season. Mr. DeRange is their coach and in my opinion is doing an excellent job of honing the Betties’ skills on the track. This was a close bout with several lead changes. I need to mention that Layla Smackdown of the High Rollers was on fire that night! Her blocking was amazing! If she plays like that all season, she’s going to be tough to get around. Finally the High Rollers managed to win by two points in the final jam. It was a real crowd pleaser.

The third bout hardly even warrants mentioning. It matched the champion High Rollers against the sorry-looking Guns 'n Rollers. The final score was High Rollers 327 to G’nR 2 (and no, that’s NOT a typo). I felt that the High Rollers should have given G’nR a fighting chance by strapping skates on me and Kanna and sending us out there. We still would have won, but at least the score wouldn’t have been so lopsided.

The final mini-bout of the evening was the most exciting for me personally. It was our beloved Heartless Heathers vs. the Breakneck Betties. Sol Train is as amazing as ever. As early as jam #2 she was wielding her amazing ass and blocking like nobody’s business. But alas, the Betties were looking really strong that evening and pulled ahead early in the bout. There were a few lead changes and the score was close, which is always a great thing for a fan. The pace of this bout was much faster that the first bout that the Heathers played that evening. I felt as if the Betties were luring the Heathers into a speed skating game. Sol Train was tossed out in jam #15, but it wasn’t for anything “fun”. Just some boring technical reason like she had too many fouls or some crap like that. The Blast Unicorn was sent to box for elbowing (which I honestly don’t think that she did) in jam #18, and that really sealed the fate for the Heathers. I have to hand it to the Betties this season, they’re looking good (did I actually just say that??).

So there you have it, Heathers fans - an exciting season opener at a great new venue. Unfortunately these were just mini-bouts that have no bearing on the season standings. But it was great to see what the teams are going to look like this season. And I have to say once again – I LOVE THE COLISEUM!

Heathers Por Vida

Heathers v. Betties, January 15, 2011

2011-01-19T13:38:00.001-08:00

Heathers v. GnR, January 15, 2011

2011-01-19T13:24:00.000-08:00

For your enjoyment.

Looking strong in 2011

2011-01-04T12:47:00.001-08:00

Well die-hard Heathers fans, the start of a whole new season is drawing near. This year we have new captains, new players, and a new venue to try out. I'm sure that I'm not alone in my excitement at the prospect of another great season of derby! In anticipation of this auspicious event, I had the opportunity to throw a few questions at one of our new captains, TeqKillYa. This is what she had to say:

George: You have a number of new players on the roster this season. What can the fans expect to see from the "rookies" in 2011?

TeqKillYa: We do have a number of new icy-blooded Heartless Heathers this season! Our “rookies” are a combination of ladies who are new to derby, as well as a couple of transfers from other leagues or, in the case of White Flight, a transfer from another RCR team. So, as a whole, the “rookies” are quite varied in skill. Even the newest ones have now been skating with the team and league for some time and are 100% up to speed. The fans can expect to see some really exciting play from these ladies – we have very tenacious jammers as well as hard-hitting blockers. I joked in the last draft that we got the biggest and the smallest draftees – Mercy and Bump’R Stick’R – and that is just one example of the varied range of skill, as well as body type and strengths. I’m excited to see them all in action and know our fans will love them! Our fans are truly the best!

George: Some of the Heather stalwarts retired last season. How do you see this changing the Heathers' style of play (if at all)?

TeqKillYa: Yep – as with the rest of the teams, we had our share of “retirees” last season – especially with the new league “travel team only” policy, where many RCR team skaters left their home teams to skate exclusively for RCR travel teams. We’re lucky however, because those skilled travel team players are still actively coaching the Heathers, and so I expect our tried-and-true strategies to still be in place - although infused with new perspective, energy and twists!

George: Being a Heathers fan may make me biased, but I think that the Heathers look really promising this season. How do you feel that you stack up against the other league teams?

TeqKillYa: OK, I may be incredibly biased as well! But, looking at our team – I think we’re pretty stacked with talent. We have skaters who have been with the team since the first bout in 2005 and tons of fresh skaters as well and the mix is just incredibly exciting to watch. This is a building year for all of the league teams and I think we’re no different, but building can be an opportunity to rise to the occasion and really come out swinging. We’re going to do well this season - it gives me icy chills just thinking about it!

George: There is a long-standing heated debate among your fans as to how to properly spell your name. We've seen it spelled Teqkillia, Ta Kill Ya, Teqkill Ya, and a half dozen other ways. How do you properly spell your name?

TeqKillYa: Ha ha – I’m glad THIS is what keeps my fans up at night (not wondering if I’m a robot, or if I bleed tequila or blue ice?). The true spelling of my name is TeqKillYa – but I’m not picky about it. I actually take the most pride in my name making many people unable to say the word “tequila” anymore. You don’t know how many times people come to me laughing/complaining about their bar experiences after they’ve tried to order a drink!

There you have it Heathers fans – all the makings of a fine season. It all kicks off Saturday January 15th at the Memorial Coliseum. Doors open at 5:00 PM, so don't be late to grab your seat at this exciting new venue!

Heathers Por Vida

Vicious bout

2010-12-04T13:48:00.001-08:00

The Cherry City Derby Girls brought their "A”" game last night in a bout where they faced off against a mixed roster of High Rollers and Guns 'n Rollers newbies (called the Rolling Stoners). I expected stiff competition from Cherry City, but I wasn't expecting them to perform as well as they did. The first jam started off with Rose City veteran Edie Disorder getting a good block in for Cherry City and preventing Texine from getting lead jammer status. Cherry City obtained lead jammer and started the bout off with a 4-0 lead. They would hold the point lead for the rest of the bout. Defense was tight from both teams, and this was a low scoring bout. Texine, Napolian Blownapart, Kickassedy, and Havanna Good Time jammed for the Rolling Stoners, but had a tough time breaking through Cherry City's defense. At halftime the score was only 27 – 38 Cherry City.

Squid Vicious put in an amazing performance as Cherry City's star jammer for the evening. She definitely gets my nod for MVP. There were only a few high scoring jams last night. Most of the points were picked up little by little. But pouring through my notes, I notice that Squid Vicious scored the lion's share of Cherry City's points. She saw quite a bit of jammer time in the first half, and even more in the second half. In one of the rare high scoring jams of the evening (jam #30) Squid Vicious picked up 14 points to boost Cherry City to a 62 to 27 lead. Then Cherry City sent in Vavoom Vavette to pick up another 14 points in jam #31. Cherry City’s Curry Fury, Sybil Riots, and Skate Oddity also did an amazing job of jamming last night, and the second half saw Cherry City’s point lead steadily increase. After some minor confusion over the clock during the final jam, Cherry City stood victorious with a final score of 52 Rolling Stoners, 130 Cherry City.

So there you have it, RCR fans – your log awaited derby fix after the "dry spell". Tonight we see the new Heathers in action as they join the Breakneck Betties in a mixed roster bout against the Southern Oregon Roller Girls, followed by our champion High Rollers vs. Eugene’s Andromedolls. Also, there will be a special dedication to Bunny Lepowski. It all starts at 6:00 PM (doors open at 5:00 PM), so don’t be late!

Triple Header Weekend

2010-11-29T19:35:00.001-08:00

Ah, I love it when there are two derby days in a row. After too long of a break from derby action, RCR fans finally have a chance to really get their fix this weekend! First off, on Friday we have the Rolling Stoners (mixed team of the High Rollers and the Guns 'n Rollers) vs. the Cherry City derby girls from Salem. I'm a Cherry City fan also, so it's going to be an interesting bout for me. The doors open at 7:00 PM, bout starts at 8:00 PM. So plan your pre-bout partying accordingly.

The next evening we have the Heartbreakers (mixed team of Heartless Heathers and the evil Breakneck Betties) vs. the Southern Oregon Rollergirls from Medford. This is going to be a great opportunity to get a look at our newly drafted Heathers, because the roster is heavily loaded with newbies. Then, in a second bout that evening, our champion High Rollers take on the Andromedolls from Eugene. I love the Andromedolls, and I love the High Rollers. Who am I going to root for? I don’t know! The doors open at 5:00 PM, bout starts at 6:00 PM, I'll probably be drunk by 6:15 PM.

There is also a rumor of a pick-up scrimmage at the hangar on Saturday from 11:00 AM – 2:00 PM ($5 admission). So if you're recovered from Friday’s afterparty early enough, you might want to check that out too and make it a "Quadruple Header Weekend"! See you there!

Drown Your Sorrows

2010-11-03T09:29:00.001-07:00

Come watch the championships at Kay's and have a drink with your favorite WoJ team members this Sunday! There's nothing like drinking at noon. Like my father always said: boy, if you ain't drunk by noon, you just ain't tryin'.

Slay is B.A.D. Girl of the Month

2010-10-27T11:48:00.000-07:00

Right over here.

Congratulations, and

Heathers Por Vida!

Giving Windy City the Full Shniz

2010-10-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

For anyone not in the know, I'll give you the back story. On Sept. 20th, 2008, my schedule allowed me to blow off the Rose City home bout and be in Chicago where the Windy City Rollers were facing the Kansas City Roller Warriors, the WFTDA Champions at the time. They pummeled the big bruisers from Kansas City for a 155/39 win. This experience spawned three key changes in my life; I became obsessed with the All Star/National level of the sport and travelling to see more, I wrote my first derbyesque blog post and I became a WCR fan.

That being said, when you combine my personal frustrations with the current WFTDA Divisional system, with that "BAD day in SucKro", I was not a Windy fan in the crowd. In fact during the Half Time break at the AoA bout, the night before, I told Nepalm Beth & Layla F#@king Smackdown to kick some Windy @$$. "Send a message. Our Number 4 can kick your Number 1's ass."

When that first whistle blew with Rhea Deranged on the line against Shocka Conduit and I was all about "Do it!".

Okay, so that jam yielded no points and was sort of a quick "feeling things out" kind of jam, but you could see that the magic was all in the pack. So when Soulfearic Acid took the lead in the next jam against Beth Amphetamine and hit for 14/1, Wheels had their first points on the board, the lead and some positive momentum. Cadillac's next five point jam just fed that momentum and Sully's 16 point jam that followed seemed to seal the deal. WoJ was sitting with a 30/1 lead and had every lead jammer after four jams which took us to the top of the jammer rotation. Rhea popped out of the pack quickly but was not the lead jammer. JK put a sweet hit on Windy's Shocka Conduit and despite being drawn into a game of chase, the WoJ pack tied her up for over a minute before she got the lead and called the jam. Even without lead status, Rhea stuck it for five and it was 35/2 WoJ.

The WoJ's blocking is what got them through the next few point drought jams. They limited Windy's jammers to small single digit jams, but Windy was also making some blocking adjustments that hampered the success of the "Wall of Justice" and the game seemed to be speeding up. The ninth jam and top of the rotation again had Rhea facing off against Shocka, who popped through in under 30 sec but did not have lead jammer and was able to make two passes before Rhea got out. No lead jammer and after two minutes it was a 13/4 jam for Shocka bringing the score to 39/18 WoJ. The game was definitely speeding up, the blocking became Wheels in a front wall and Windy in a back wall. The next several jams were quick hit, single digits jams and WoJ changed up rotation and maintained their lead. In the 15th jam with Sully and Athena DeCrime on the line, WoJ forced a slow start to kill time for Mangles who was serving time for her low block penalty when Smacks did an awesome job drawing a back block on Athena giving Sully a powerjam. Unfortunately, Windy did an awesome job of tieing Sully up for over a minute and it was 57/20 WoJ after 15 jams.

The next jam was a 3/3 jam between Rhea and Shocka with the score 60/23. It really marked a shift in play. The packs had been getting faster, more strung out and that really plays more towards Windy's style of play. Though WoJ would fail to put up points over the next four quick jams and fail to get lead, they did limit productivity. Jackie Daniels first jam of the night against Soulfearic Acid was Windy's biggest jam of that series and she hit for five bring it to 60/38 Wheels, at the half.

Windy left that first half with momentum and certainly did a good job of shifting the style of play to their comfort zone. They were hard fought quick blast jams. They were setting up in the rear and keeping the WoJ jammers from popping through. They were driving the bout even though they were down.

The second half started with WoJ down in the pack 2x4 and Rhea on the line against Shocka, who popped through and picked up 3. Soulfearic Acid followed in rotation, WoJ starting to feel penalties and still short in the pack as Beth Amphetamine popped through, quickly taking lead jammer. Beth stuck for five before being called out for Track Cut major, leaving Acid with a powerjam and a tough Windy pack.She did manage to even things up with 5/5 jam. Cadillac brought her "We're Not Going To Take It" attitude to the next jam, which began as a powerjam and for the first time in several jams, Windy was down in the pack 4on3. With some excellent blocking Cadi popped through on her initial pass quickly and despite Windy's jammer coming out of the box she managed a second full pass and another two passes to bring it to 72/46 Wheels. Sully was up next against Jackie Daniels and again the pack numbers were not on our side. Jackie got lead and racked up 7 as Sully struggled against the Windy blockers.

Back to the top of the jammer rotation, so Rhea was on the line against Shocka. Rhea made it through for lead and Shocka took a pummeling from the WoJ pack monsters. Rhea got two clean passes before a battered Shocka even cleared the pack for a 13/0 jam and 85/53 lead for Wheels. Again penalties took their toll with 2on4 pack for Sully against Windy's Ruth Enasia. Ruth got lead and a 12/0 run for Windy, bringing them back to a 20 point differential. Over the next several jams, Shocka, Jackie and Beth would hit for points for Windy while our heroes struggled. Ten jams into the second half, Windy had eroded the lead down to 10, then 7. It was 90/83 with about 12 minutes on the clock.

Rhea took the line against Jackie Daniels with a 2on4 pack. Windy elects to drop knee start for a no pack whistle. (STUPID is the note I have written down). Despite some monster Mobi blocking, Jackie made it through but with out lead jammer, only to then back block and hit the box. Rhea was finally through as Windy skated quicker and quicker, finally racking up three points. Soulfearic then faced Shocka, with a full compliment of blockers for both teams. Shocka came up quick on the Wall of Justice in the front as Acid struggled with the Windy back wall. That darned Smacks had this great push out block on Shocka which somehow became a major low block for Shocka. WoJ Powerjam! After Acid's first five points, Smacks got a Windy goat, turned around and did that things she does so well. Despite Shocka reentering the pack, Acid had maxed the powerjam out for a 19/0 jam. Wheels had regained a more commanding 112/83 lead.

Blood made her first jammer appearance next against Beth Amphetamine with a scant 2on2 pack and with a 15 second pop out time, she took lead jammer for our Wheels as Beth was called to the box and yes, Powerjam! With the 2on2 pack and a patient, calculating Blood Clottia with the star, she took her time to take Windy apart.

As blockers came out of the box, eventually WoJ had trapped a Windy blocker, stopping the pack long enough for even Chuck Norris or his superior to swallow these bitter words "That is why it is perplexing to me that a team of such seemingly inteligent (sic) and talented skaters would resort to such a demeaning tactic in order to win.". Mmm, a PiG never forgets.

Blood had gained 15 points and it was 127/83 Wheels of Justice with 2:30 left in the game. At this point, I had seen nothing from Windy that would over come that point gap with that kind of time. The next jam yielded 2 for Windy followed by a quick 0/0 jam. Now in last jam with Rhea and Shocka on the line. They would get a 4/4 jam bring it to 131/89 Wheels of Justice. (Until the point correction anyway...)

So there you go kids, our last big bout of the season.Not a perfect ending but the best we could hope for given the parameters. There is no shame in being 4th the Western division and though I will miss seeing my purple pals in Chicago this year, I can't think of a more fitting season ender. Not to sounds like my Cubs Fan friends, but there is always next year. Next year might just be the perfect storm, you can pitch in to help Rose City get a nice fresh track and who knows, maybe WooF ta-Duh will let us host Regionals.

If you can't wait, you can always check out Sicktown this weekend as they host Cherry City .

Viagrra’s Last Stand

2010-10-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

Last night the Axles of Annihilation took on the Slaughter County Roller Vixens in a hard fought bout. I was glad to be in attendance not only because it turned out to be a great bout, but it was also Viagrra Falls’ last time skating for RCR. She is one of the stalwarts of the league and will be sorely missed!

The first jam saw Minstrel Psycho get lead jammer status and three points, but Slaughter County’s jammer managed to slip through and even the score 3 to 3 right off the bat. By jam #3 Slaughter County had a 12 to 3 point lead. Minstrel Psycho, Twat Rocket, and Viagrra did a tight job of jamming, and by jam #9 the Axles saw their first point lead of the bout. That lead changed three jams later when Minstrel Psycho was sent to the penalty box, giving Slaughter County a power jam and a one point lead. The Axles fought back by adding Texine and White Flight in the jammer rotation. At halftime the Axles held a 73 to 56 point lead.

The second half started off with some stellar jamming from Twat Rocket, Viagrra Falls, and White Flight. The sixth jam of the second half saw a power jam opportunity for Viagrra, which gave the Axles a 95 to 80 point lead. But that lead was erased in the next jam when Twat was sent to the box and On’da Sligh evened the score 95 to 95. Slaughter County’s On’da Sligh was unstoppable! I swear that she literally floats through the air to get around the pack! There were four more nail-biting lead changes, but in the end Slaughter County gave the Axles their first defeat of the year with a final score of Slaughter County 137 to Axles 126.

All in all, it was a good, clean bout with few timeouts, good reffing, and not many skaters in the penalty box. In the end, we may have lost the bout, but we won the after party! (and the after-after party…ouch my head is still pounding!)

Tonight we have the Wheels of Justice taking on Windy City at 6:00 PM. Doors open at 5:00 PM, so get there early to get your seat. Just make sure you save JeLLyPiG a seat with a clear view of the track because I love reading his Windy City bout recaps!

Viaggra Falls Rolls On

2010-10-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

Viaggra Falls has announced she's leaving roller derby. She will be ending a great career with Friday's match-up between the Axles of Annihilation and the Slaughter County Roller Vixens.

"It's kinda surreal, I'm trying not to think 'omg! what am I gonna do besides Derby!' (ok maybe I'm thinking that ;-}) I will be still sticking around to help coach or run practices for the Heathers, may even help out Freshies or Wreckers," she wrote in a message this morning.

"I am looking forward to having some time surfing more before it gets really crappy, snowboarding, hanging with my pets, my 'other friends' (Im surprised they are still around ;-}). Oh, and my friend has been trying to get me into motocross (we will see how that goes).

I am starting off my 'retirement' and traveling for a month starting in December into January. Going to Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam! So excited!"

A Heather since 2006, Viaggra developed into a prized jammer as well as a stalwart in the pack and a great derby personality, both on the Heathers and with the Axles. Last year she spoke about her derby history and other aspects of her life in this CI profile.

I cop to being a bit choked up typing this. As mentioned in last year's profile, Viaggra Falls was the first person I ever associated with Portland roller derby, and I have long considered her an iconic Heather. I salute her and reiterate that I will miss seeing her on the track.

Heathers Por Vida!

The Docket

2010-10-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

photo by Jules Doyle

That rag-tag, mix 'n' match, tough-as-nails crew of roving rollers the Axles of Annihilation face off against Bremerton's Slaugter County Roller Vixens at the Oaks Hangar, Friday October 15, 8 pm (doors at 7).

Buy yourself some tickets. Take your daughter to the slaughter.

The very next night, Saturday October 16 at 6 pm (doors at 5), Portland's Wheels of Justice face WFTDA North Central Region champs the Windy City Rollers. Flippin' epic. They're selling tickets for that, too. Get some.

Speaking of tickets, 2011 Season Tickets go on sale November 1. When that happens, it will happen here.

As always, the RCR Newsletter is excellent. Investigate it soon. Lots going on.

Cheerio.

New Heathers, Old Heathers, Whiskers on Kittens

2010-10-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

The Heathers scored in last night's RCR draft, pulling Uff-da and Shame Girl from Fresh Meat as well as ex-High Roller/WOJer White Flight and Heathers returnee Teqkillya (maybe this is the year we all agree on how to spell her name).

2011 is going to be another great year to be a Cadaver!

Heathers Por Vida!

Lucky number 13

2010-10-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

My heart was in my throat during this entire bout. Oly is such a strong team, and they have been known to win by hundreds of points, so I was expecting a hard fight. What I wasn’t expecting was to see our Wheels perform so well against them! Oly started out to a strong lead, but in the 13th jam Sully Skullkicker obtained lead jammer status and had an amazing 29 point jam that gave the Wheels a 46 to 36 lead! The crowd went wild! Oly fought back hard, and our Wheels made them work for their 13 point lead that Oly held going into halftime.

Wheels kept the pressure on Oly during the second half. Rhea, Sully, Scratcher, and SoulFearic Acid worked hard to break through the Oly defense. The crowd was definitely on Rose City’s side. I’ve never seen or heard such a raucous fan section ever! (and I’ve seen, and been a part of, some really raucous fan groups) In the end, Oly had more points on the board than the Wheels did, but those numbers don’t even begn to tell the whole story. The fact that we did so damn well was enough to make this a victory in my book. Tomorrow we advance to play Bay Area. If we win that one, we go to the championships in Chicago!

Hopefully nobody dumped booze on JeLLyPiG’s notes this time, because I would really love to hear his take on this amazing bout!

Rollin' on the River

2010-10-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

Our Wheels were Rollin' on the River this afternoon! In an exciting bout this afternoon, the Wheels of Justice advanced to the next bracket with a 122 to 104 win! The Wheels looked solid from the start. Scratcher, Rhea, Soulfearic Acid, and Caddi all did an awesome job of jamming and breaking through Rat City's defense. Smack Ya had a great block in jam 3 that helped Soulfearic Acid to an amazing 15 point jam that really put us in the lead. In the following jam, Scratcher gained 7 points. It just kept getting better and better. At halftime, RCR was ahead 68 to 27!

Rat City managed to stage a small comeback late in the second half, and they saw lead jammer status a few more times than they did during the first half. They chipped away at WOJ's lead, but it was too little too late. When the final whistle blew, it was 122 to 104! WOJ advances to play Oly tomorrow at 2:00 PM. That's about all I have time to post right now. I need to get back to the venue and catch the Oly vs. Tucson bout. JeLLyPiG is present, so maybe we can coax a more thorough bout recap from him at some future point.

Go Wheels!

Goodie Two Skates moves on...

2010-09-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

It is with great sadness that I report that Goodie Two Skates has announced her retirement from RCR. Bringing about a third blow this month to seasoned Heathers fans, Goodie has accepted a job in Seattle and will be moving there (and the derby rumor on the street is that she'll be playing for Rat City, so she won't be totally gone from the world of derby). Oh, what words can I say about all of this? So many memories! Goodie was one of the personalities that originally drew me to roller derby. Her love of the sport, and her efforts to teach others about it, has always added to her list of attributes that defines her as a great resource for RCR. Good luck to you in Seattle, Goodie. You will be sorely missed.

Heathers Por Vida

People come and go. And forget to close the door, And leave their stains and cigarette butts trampled on the floor...

2010-09-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

This here article implies that Ringer is gone from the Heathers for good, on to coaching Sick Town to get her derby ya-yas out. We salute her and revere her. Thanks for the great years, the speed, the championships, the leadership, the innovative tactics and strategies, the 35-point jams, the blood and guts.

On the flipside, via Facebook, we learn that TeqKillYa skates again. We're not sure if she's Fresh Meat yet, but we're told that there are drafts in October and December. If Boethius' Fortuna smiles upon us, TeqKillYa may again one day be a Heather.

Scratcher retires from the Heathers

2010-09-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

Via Facebook, we have learned that Scratcher in the Eye retired from the Heartless Heathers last night, bringing to a close an amazing career. Given her performance last year, it's impossible to pretend that her exit won't be somewhat of a blow to the Heathers' 2011 prospects (though knowing our Heathers, their No Heather Left Behind tradition, and their depth of talent, we're not getting all super-pouty just yet).

Fortunately for us all, Scratch will be continuing with the Wheels of Justice.

We had the pleasure of interviewing this formidable athlete a couple years back, and are enjoying revisiting that discussion and remembering her time as a Heartless Heather.

Thanks for the memories, Scratcher!

In far less earth-shattering retirement news, The Coroner has come out of retirement and is delighted to be sharing space with George and JeLLyPiG.

Another GREAT Derby Daze under our belt!

2010-08-29T20:34:00.001-07:00

I am still reeling from the great time that I had this year at Derby Daze! I did not fall once during the Friday night Jam Skate!!! That’s a personal best for me! But I guess I’m here to talk about the bouts, not about my personal achievements, so on to the recaps...

The first bout of the night featured the Lava City Roller Dolls vs. the Atomic City Rollergirls. Having only seen either of these teams play a handful of times, I had no idea what to expect going into this bout. It turned out to be a pretty exciting bout with a number of lead changes. Atomic City started off strong in jam #1 with a 15 – 0 lead. Sukie Smackhouse then grabbed another seven points for Atomic City in jam #2, but two jams later Lava City was making a comeback. The first lead change of the bout came in jam #13 when Dame Deviant managed to gain a one point lead for Lava City. They managed to increase that lead, and went into halftime with a 68 to 52 point advantage over Atomic City.

In jam #23, Atomic City staged a comeback during a power jam situation, coming to within one point of tying the game. They gained the lead during the following jam and held that lead for seven more jams, until Screamin’ Meanie had a power jam for Lava City and again brought the game to within one point of being tied. Dame Deviant got lead jammer and three points in the following jam to gain the lead once again for Lava City. Jam #29 saw the final lead change of the night, which was in favor of Atomic City. There were a lot of timeouts in this bout. More timeouts than a Rainy City bout, believe it or not! That only served to heighten the suspense of this match-up. In the end, Atomic City managed to pull ahead to see a 131 to 100 victory over Lava City.

On to the second bout of the evening…

I’d like to take a moment here to send out a special, albeit sarcastic, thanks to Texine for aiding greatly in getting me cut off from buying alcohol before the start of the second bout, thereby causing me to go the entire bout with no booze. As I was bellying up to the bar before the bout to purchase yet another glass of that Barefoot Vineyard pinot grigio, she skated between me and the bar. I wished her good luck in the bout, and her reply of “man, you look WASTED!” didn’t register too well with the bartender. Add to that the fact that I was seated next to Harmacist, which renders guilt by association, and BAM - no more alcohol for George! Just like that. Really, I wasn’t that wasted! But I digress…

The main featured bout of the night was our Axels of Annihilation vs. Derby Revolution of Bakersfield. I didn’t know too much about Bakersfield, so I was curious to see how this bout was going to turn out and didn’t know what to expect. Jam #1 saw Minstrel Psycho pitted against Ima Blowbya at the jammer line, and also a major penalty by Texine (which I racked up to karma over her getting me cut off from alcohol). The first couple of jams saw a 10 – 0 lead for Bakersfeild, but in jam #4 Viagrrra Falls gave us our lead. That lead would not be compromised for the rest of the evening. Minstrel Psycho and Viagrrra were on fire for our first half! Joyride was amazing and seemed at ease with the fast paced pack that was indicative of this bout. At halftime, AoA had a strong led of 92 to 26.

The second half saw Deva Destruxion, Frisky Sour, and Twat Rocket start off strong. They added immensely to our already hefty point lead. Viagrrra was still on fire in the second half and adding to our point tally also!

Puke on the Flat Track!

Then, in jam #34 I saw something that I haven’t seen since Houston 2008. Derby Revolution’s Tonka Toy took a hit, doubled over, and puked on the flat track! This was a real crowd pleaser, to say the least. Not only did this garnish a collective “oooooooooh” from the crowd, but it served as a conversation topic for the remainder of Derby Daze. It was amazing, and I am advocating Tonka Toy as MVP of this bout based solely upon this incident. After the clean-up, we were just two more jams away from our 186 to 53 AoA victory.

I was lucky enough to get a post-bout comment from Texine regarding the performance of her team. This is what she had to say:

I am immensely proud of the way our team played last night. The majority of us have only been skating together for the last month or two, and finding cohesion with a new group of skaters can be really hard. Last night we came out with our game faces on, ready to have fun, and build on ourselves as a well-oiled machine. I thought it was beautiful how our skaters built and held walls, held the inside line, and were able to adapt strategically to whatever was happening on the track. Next weekend is a two-day tournament in Boise, ID called the Spudtown Knockdown, and our bout last night gave us the confidence to move forward and we have every intention of owning the track from here on out. F'n A, AoA!

So there you have it folks, another great Derby Daze under our belt. I don’t know about you, but I need a vacation to recover!!!

Derby Daze are here again!

2010-08-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

I love Derby Daze! Plain and simple. It was during the very first Derby Daze where my lovely derby wife, Kanna, and I first decided to become derby husband and derby wife. So it holds a special place in my derby heart. Every year the event gets bigger and better, and this year is no exception. I enjoy hanging out and watching the scrimmages, riding the rides at Oaks Park, attending the Friday night jam skate, and of course the bouts!

This year we are treated to a Saturday night double header featuring Atomic City vs. Lava City, and our very own Axles of Annihilation vs. Derby Revolution (hailing from Bakersfield, CA). I sat down with Texine, new captain of AoA, for a brief pre-bout interview. This is what she had to say:

George: Tell me about some of the new faces that you have on AoA, and who we should be watching for.

Texine: Our roster currently has a great mix of new and old AoA team members. Some of our newer members are Bella Massacre, Deva Destrruxion, Frisky Sour, Joyride, Push La Tush, Skintastic, Slim Sheety, and The Blast Unicorn. As far as the new outstanding talent goes, watch out for Deva and The Blast Unicorn. All of the new members are great though! We’ve been practicing all summer and we’re looking really good! Of course, the AoA stalwarts are still here and going strong. We have Butcher Block, Goodie Two Skates, Minstrel Psycho, Twat Rocket, Viagrrra Falls, and myself rounding out the roster for this Saturday. We also have Speed Bump and Frenchie coaching for us!

George: What do you know about your competition, Derby Revolution?

Texine: Well, they’ve been a WFTDA apprentice league since last December. Being an apprentice league, they haven’t had the opportunity to be ranked at our level, hence it’s difficult to size them up based upon their rankings. They formed back in 2006, so they’ve been skating for a few years now. They didn’t have the best showing at the Battle for the Coast this past year. They lost to OC 89 to 51, and lost to San Diego 114 to 2.

George: So during the Hometown Throwdown, AoA was serving up some fine food. Will we be treated to some of the same delicious grub this weekend too?

Texine: Of course! Heidi Go Seek is making up another batch of her delicious pulled pork for pulled pork sandwiches, and I’ll be baking up another batch of my famous cookies! So bring your appetite. Remember, all of the proceeds go to help AoA, so don’t forget to grab a sandwich or cookie (or two) for a good cause! See you on Saturday!

So there you have it, derby fans. An action-packed fun-filled derby weekend right here in our hometown. It all kicks off with a Friday night opening barbecue at Oaks Park at 6:00 PM, so don’t be late. The open scrimmages start at 1:30 PM on Saturday and at noon on Sunday. The doors open at 5:00PM Saturday for the 6:00 PM double header bouts. A more detailed look at the weekend’s schedule can be found here. See you at the Friday night jam skate! (And don't laugh too hard at my skating ability…I'm no Dancing Scott by any means!)

All Down and Derby

2010-08-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

Though I should be editing my very tardy Hometown Throwdown Day 3 post, I did want to get this little info nugget up on the blog. This Thursday at Powell’s there is a reading and book sign by Jennifer “Kasey Bomber” Barbee and Alex “Axles of Evil” Cohen, L.A. Derby Dolls and authors of the latest modern roller derby book Down and Derby: The Insiders Guide to Roller Derby.

It was a late add to my vacation reading list and I have to admit I really enjoyed it. It provides some great history of the sport from its conception to the second coming. The reader gets a complete glimpse at the process of becoming a skater, the complexity of league politics, along with insights into the birth of the new traditions and some great profiles.

As one of the Heartless Heathers Hardcore my favourite quote from the book, in the section about the pitfalls of announcing, was:

There is a huge potential to get things wrong. You might say “That was a fantastic block by Viagra Falls”, when it was in fact Ruby Bruiseday who made the hit.

Funny to me because I can remember confusing Via with Ginger Binger during the heat of battle…back in the day and shit.

If the travel gods treat me right I should be home for this event but encourage you to go check it out for yourself.

Thrown down in the Hometown Day 2

2010-08-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

Saturday was the second coming of that magical day I call Double Derby Day. It was an epic day of human endurance. A day when two of my passions in life merge to spawn the question, "How drunk was he? Was he Derby Drunk?". I spent the first part of my day soaking up the sun, many beers and the fantastic jackass-ery that is the PDX Soapbox Derby, followed by a full evening of Roller Derby action.

Of course the recap would have to begin with...

When my cab pulled up to the Hangar, I was loaded for a full evening of All Star Roller Derby.

First up was B.A.D. vs Rat City. After the Friday bouts and my recollections of the Wild West Showdown, I sort of thought I had a good idea of how this would play out. I was of course wrong and treated to my favourite bout of the weekend.

B.A.D. jumped to a quick 3-0 lead on the back of an Astronaughty jam. Much to my surprise B.A.D. would prove they had the juice to carry and build on that lead through the first half. With the B.A.D. Pack Monsters in full effect, they were able to hold the Rats scoreless through a five jam run. After giving up 8 points, then 4, B.A.D. shut Rat down again for six jams building their lead to 63-14 after 16 jams. It was awesome! When I wasn't being mesmerized by Demanda Riot, I was being impressed by the play of Windingo Jones, Aunti Christ and Velveteen Savage of B.A.D.

Rat found a boost in their focus after Carmen Getsome hit for 14 during a Power Jam in the 17th jam, despite starting with a two on four pack situation. That was followed by a 10 point Primp Daddy jam which brought it to 63-38 Seattle. A scoreless jam brought us to half time with B.A.D. riding a 25 point lead.

I expected B.A.D. to run out of gas. I thought the Rats would come back with a fierce second half game plan. It took Rat three jams and some more Carmen Getsome magic to really gain any traction against B.A.D. After four jams into the second half the score was 77 B.A.D./ Rat City 55. Little gains for both teams over the next few jams led to a monster Rat jam for 25 points. It was now 88-83 Rat. My cellphone was blowing up and I failed to note who the hell had the big jam. B.A.D. didn't let the Rats keep the lead for long, taking a 96-88 lead in the next jam. Four more jams and one goat later Rat was up again with a 102-99 lead.

Without any time outs left to calm the team, B.A.D. managed to came back with a quick five points as Demanda drew Carmen Getsome into a major back block for some Power Jam time. It was beautiful. After a scoreless jam, B.A.D. hits again for four and the 108-102 lead. Rat called for a time out, formed a plan, executed and added five to the board. Two fierce scoreless jams later we had our final,108-107. B.A.D. had picked up a hellarad one point win.

I was psyched and felt like the night was full of possibilities. And again, I was...

We all knew Gotham was going to be a tough bout. After the Rose City loss to Rat the night before, I expected to see a single minded, unified WoJ defend their home track like never before. When Bonnie Thunders faced Rhea and racked up a 7-0 lead for Gotham in the first jam, I was convinced that WoJ would overcome. The next jam Sully put the first WoJ point on the board after squeaking out past Suzy Hot Rod for the lead jammer. Two jams later Rhea would hit big against Hyper Lynx and WoJ was only down by two, bringing it to 13-15. Gotham held WoJ for the next few jams until Rhea hit again for four, but the Bonnie Thunders/Suzy Hotrod jammer rotation had left us with a 17-52 point differential.

For the next six jams, Gotham showed what great pack play, tight defense, coordinated transition strategies paired with creative jammers can do. Racking points and holding off our jammers, Gotham stretched the point margin to 72. It was 17-89, Gotham at the half.

I had to abandon my clipboard for the second half. I could no longer just sit and watch this bout. So from the Beer Garden, peering through the crowd and enjoying the summer breeze tainted with the lofting scent of the Honey Buckets, I watched the second half play out.

It was fast paced, hard hitting and Gotham looked like they were digging it. Want to play the slow game? They could play that too. Not to diminish the abilities of our hometown heroes, but Gotham seemed to have an answer to anything WoJ would throw at them. Though the Wheels would find more offense in the second half, so would Gotham, ultimately building their margin of victory to 127 points. The 190-67 loss to Gotham should serve as another wake up call to our ladies in purple. Hopefully they see some of their short comings, the things that must change and the corrections required before we get to Sacramento in October.

All I could do was call for a ride home and wonder what day 3 of the Hometown Throwdown had in store for me and my hometown heroes.

Some love for the Super fan!

2010-08-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

Before I get cracking on a Hometown Throwdown post, I wanted to take a moment and give a Happy Birthday shout out to our very own...Handsome George! You are one of my favorite Roller Derby characters and I wish you the Happiest of Birthdays! (And no, I am not giving you my Mobi jersey as a present!)

Friday the 13th

2010-08-14T09:46:00.001-07:00

Ah, the first night of Hometown Throwdown. Now, I am not a superstitious man by any means, but it does give me a reason to pause for thought when a bout takes place on infamous Friday the 13th. But there are few things in this world that I enjoy more than weekend full of roller derby, especially when it involves a bunch of top-ranked teams and it takes place right here in Portland!

The first bout of the evening featured Bay Area vs. Gotham. This was a fast paced game that saw quite a few more penalties from Bay Area than from Gotham. Gotham pulled away early in jam #9 when Suzy Hotrod gave Gotham a nine point lead. The lead kept growing, and Bay Area never recovered after that. Suzy Hotrod definitely deserves MVP for her jamming performance. At halftime Gotham was leading 63 to 46. The second half saw more great performances from Suzy Hotrod and Bonnie Thunders, and by jam #21 Gotham had a 53 point lead. Bay Area’s Astronaughty put in a great effort at jamming, and she staged a minor comeback late in the game, but in the end it didn’t do much to save them from a 189 to 58 point loss at the hands of Gotham.

The second bout of the evening featured our Wheels of Justice versus Rat City. I went to the hangar last night quite complacent and fully expecting an easy Wheels victory. I was not prepared to see Rat City play so well. As early as jam #12 it was clear that I had a reason to be concerned. Primp Daddy had a nine point jam to give Rat City a 41 to 33 point lead over the Wheels. The following jam saw Ann R. Kissed pull out another nine points for Rat, and the lead kept growing from there. Rat City wasn’t only on top of their jamming game, they showed some stellar defense also. At halftime, they stood with a 77 to 34 point lead over our Wheels of Justice.

The second half saw that point gap grow even further. Rhea DeRange, Soulfearic Acid, and Scratcher in the Eye (who broke a plate on one of her skates!...Friday the 13th again?), put in valiant jamming efforts, but in the end Rat City’s defense combined with our penalty box time prevented any serious comeback by the Wheels. The last three jams of the night saw the Wheels gain more points than any other stretch of the bout, but it was too little too late, and Rat City stood with a 155 to 111 point victory when the final whistle blew. I can’t help but think that if the bout lasted another ten minutes or so, that we could have pulled out a victory. It seemed like we were really starting to make some headway, but the clock was against us at that point.

Tonight on the lineup we have Bay Area vs. Rat City, and Gotham vs. our Wheels of Justice. The doors open at 5:00 PM, but unfortunately I won’t be able to be there due to a prior engagement. So I’m a hopin’ and a prayin’ that JeLLyPiG will give us a Saturday and Sunday bout recap and tell me what I missed!

Hometown Throwdown

2010-08-06T08:52:00.001-07:00

Time to wake up from your summer slumber, derby fans! Because just in time to save us from this recent lull in derby action, we have the Hometown Throwdown, and it's shaping up to be one hell of a weekend! Four great teams over three action-packed days. On Friday the thirteenth we have Bay Area vs. Gotham, followed by our Wheels of Justice vs. Rat City. The following evening, Saturday August 14th, Bay Area takes on Rat City, followed by our Wheels of Justice vs. Gotham. Finishing up the weekend on Sunday we have Gotham vs. Rat City, followed by our Wheels of Justice vs. Bay Area. This is going to be one amazing weekend of derby at the hangar!

Sadly, I have to miss the Saturday night bouts, due to a conflicting engagement. So I'm hoping that JeLLyPiG is in attendance that evening and he gets the urge to give us a bout recap. I want to also take a moment to say that 5 seasons ago when I started following RCR, I only dared to dream of seeing a tournament with teams of this caliber playing at the little ol' hangar. I continue to be impressed with how far the league has come in a few relatively quick years, and I think that we as fans are lucky as hell to have derby of this quality in an awesome venue like the hangar!

So get your tickets if you don’t already have them (because they're almost sold out!), and get ready for some great derby action!

What's Your Weapon of Choice?

2010-07-28T15:37:00.000-07:00

Hey Derby Kids! Both "the League" and our Heartless lovelies are doing a Fan Favourite survey. Votes for both contests need to be in by Friday 7/30 @ Midnight with Winners to be announced on Saturday.

Cast you votes today!
Heartless Heathers

Rose City Rollers

If you haven't checked out the FUNd raising activities scheduled for this weekend, hit the RCR site to learn all about Skate O'thon and the WoJ WaSH too!

Roller Rama this weekend!

2010-07-13T14:52:00.001-07:00

Does this recent summer lull in derby activity have you feeling down, like me? Tired of watching hours and hours of archived bout footage on-line just to try and fill the void? Well, head on down to Salem this weekend and get your derby fix! Cherry City is hosting Roller Rama this Saturday. It’s a roller derby event where Cherry City is introducing their four new home teams (the Dolls of Anarchy, the Panty Raiders, the Rydell Belles, and the Thrill Kill Kittens), and it sounds like it’s going to be a blast!

I sat down with Edie Disorder, captain of the Thrill Kill Kittens, and asked her a few questions about this weekend’s bout. Here is what she had to say.

George: What is the format of the bout going to be like? Are all four teams going to play against each other?

Edie Disorder: It’s going to be one regulation bout. We’re combining the Thrill Kill Kittens and the Panty Raiders into one team, and playing against a combined team of the Rydell Belles and the Dolls of Anarchy.

George: Are the teams pretty evenly matched, or are there any noticeable strengths/weaknesses that either team has?

Edie Disorder: We’re pretty evenly matched. A generalization would be to say that the Thrill Kill Kittens and the Panty Raiders are jammer-heavy, and the Rydell Belles and the Dolls of Anarchy are somewhat blocker-heavy, but that’s just a generalization. We’re on a pretty even playing field skill-wise, I would say. The league has its share of experienced hockey players and speed skaters, as well as girls with not that much experience. It’s a diverse group.

George: Will we see any familiar faces from RCR at this bout?

Edie Disorder: Butcher Block and Smack Ya Sideways will be coaching the combined team of the Rydell Belles and the Dolls of Anarchy, and Viagrrra Falls and Skatie Kat will be coaching the combined team of the Thrill Kill Kittens and the Panty Raiders.

So there you have it derby fans – a place to get your derby fix this weekend! I always enjoy going to Cherry City bouts. The venue at the fairgrounds is great, and they have a GIANT screen with instant replays. It’s awesome. I catch myself staring at the screen more than the live action sometimes. It spoiled me, and now I want instant replays at every roller derby bout! Also, this weekend there will be a classic car show going on right outside of the bout, so that’s even more of an incentive to make the journey down to Cherry City and get your summertime derby fix. I’ll see you there!

Entering our "Terrible Twos"

2010-07-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

I couldn't allow the day to pass without reminding everyone that today marks the second anniversary of the birth of this here blog. It's hard for me to believe it's only been two years. Rummaging through the old posts, I am amazed at some of the great content I had forgotten about and amused by some of the stupid sh!t I have said over the last two years.

Speaking of stupid sh!t...DNN Power Rankings for July were announced yesterday. It appears the Easties have elected to bump Philly up three spots, past two teams they lost to earlier this year. Philly's win over Denver came with a cost in position to both Rose City and the Ratz. A bitterly ironic move given the fact that our WoJ-ster's had beaten Philly, AGAIN in a scrimmage at ECE a week before the rankings . Needless to say, controversy out West followed quickly.

As a rule, I like the concept of the Power Rankings and what the charm-ing "East Coast Focused" folks at DNN have been trying to bring to the sport. From their very beginnings they have attempted to elevate awareness and activity around the sport. They have also not given much press to the West. When I said in one my previous posts that we were "blessed" with DNN coverage at the Wild West Showdown...I was being a passive aggressive d!ck.

Though I am a financial contributor, an avid reader and a lover of the online derby bouts on DNN, I'm also a realist. They have taken on a big job, trying to cover a sport with 555 registered leagues Worldwide with no major budget and a handful of people. In the olden days, if we wanted West Coast news, we turned to Elwood's blog. Hell even the folks at DNN turned to Elwood's blog until they burned that bridge.

I realize that they're stirring the pot a bit, which drives site traffic for them and feeds their sustainability. Frankly, their rankings are only good for water cooler chat and flame wars. All that really matters is getting into Regionals and being one of the Top 3 when that tourney ends...which is a tougher task if you play in the Best Division or as WFTDA calls us, the West Division.

Hopefully this "Dis" from the mighty DNN will help motivate, focus and drive our ladies in Purple. They have some big bouts ahead of them. The Hometown Throwdown in August with BADg, Rat and Gotham followed by Regionals in October.

As that unfolds, hopefully our boy George will treat us to some more of his awesome updates like he did at ECE.

Saving the best for last

2010-06-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

I witnessed a lot of great bouts this weekend, but the final bout of the weekend was far and away the most exciting. Forget the fact that I live and breathe Rose City roller derby. Forget the fact I’ve been building up this bout in my mind all weekend. Forget the fact that I believe that all Rose City bouts are monumental. Putting all that aside, this stands out as one amazing bout to end a weekend of amazing bouts.

The first half was rough for a Wheels fan to watch. There were stretches of 5 jams or more where the Wheels didn’t score a single point. I was doing the text boutcast for DNN, and was overwhelmed with trying to type updates, respond to people’s comments, drink the boxed wine that was provided by DNN, and keep up with the bout. That’s way too much multi-tasking for George. Nine minutes into the first half, Boston was starting to pull away, and I was starting to get nervous. This bout was another one that had fast-paced packs, like so many other bouts that I saw this weekend. Eighteen minutes into the bout, Wheels made a small comeback and I started to feel a little more at ease. But that soon proved to be a short-lived comeback. Boston killed a couple of our power jams with excellent blocking, and then took advantage of some of our time in the penalty box. By halftime, the Wheels were down 53 to 23.

The second half proved to be even more of a nail-biter. A couple of Cadillac jams and the Wheels were back to within striking distance of Boston’s lead. Add a few jams by Scratcher and Wreck, toss in some great blocking from Mick, Mobi, and Smack Ya, and top it off with some great pivot work by Blood Clottia and Rhea, and the Wheels were within 15 points of Boston’s lead. At this point, Scratcher decided that she had enough of this goofing around and went out there and put us to within 6 points of Boston’s lead. That set up Soulfearic Acid to pull in some points and cause a lead change in the score. Boston never regained their lead after that. All it took was a power jam by the amazing Wreck Deckard to put the final nail in Boston’s coffin. Shortly thereafter, the Wheels were skating a victory lap with an 86 to 61 point win.

They managed to come back from a 30 point halftime deficit and win this one in a BIG way! What an amazing end to an amazing weekend. The Wheels of Justice truly are my superheros. I'm sad to have to leave tomorrow, and I can't wait to come back to Feasterville next year!

Go Wheels!

WOJ wins early morning scrimmage!

2010-06-27T11:05:00.000-07:00

Now, I’m not a religious man, and I'm not the type of guy you would find in church on a Sunday morning, but what I attended this morning was definitely my version of worship. I had the privilege of sneaking into a closed scrimmage between Philly and WOJ. And when I say closed, I mean CLOSED. Besides the skaters, there were refs, a scorekeeper, a barebones crew of non-skating officials, and four fans (consisting of Draggin’ Lady, Mike Chexx, Amy, and myself).

The Wheels started off slowly and looking groggy (it was, after all, 5:00 AM Portland time). Philly had us down 10 to 1 in the first three jams. Then, in the fourth jam, it was as if Portland’s morning coffee started working, because the Wheels started to turn! Cadillac took lead jam in the fourth jam, Sully Skullkicker took lead in the fifth, Scratcher took lead in the sixth, Soulfearic Acid took lead in the seventh…you get the idea. We gained a two point lead by jam seven, and never looked back from there. The Wheels jammed Cadillac, Sully Skullkicker, Scratcher, Soulfearic Acid, Blood Clottia, Rhea DeRange, Wreck Deckard…am I forgetting anybody? Oh yeah, the jammer panty got passed to Smack Ya in the second to the last jam. By halftime, the score was Wheels 44 to Philly 29.

The pace of the pack was incredible. It was like speed skating derby. Very little of that “slow pack strategy crap” (as I refer to it as) was used in this bout. It was clear that this was a bout between two teams of highly skilled skaters. Philly’s Teflon Donna and Elle Viento scored the majority of points for Philly. There we few penalties during this scrimmage. It was overall a pretty clean bout. Thirty-two jams into the bout, the final buzzer sounded and it was Wheels 120 to Philly 88. To further the joke of only having four fans in attendance (who had to sneak in to this closed bout past a crack security team, mind you), the Wheels lined up and skated a victory lap, slapping our hands. There was almost a 5-to-1 skater-to-fan ratio. It was hilarious!

Okay, this self-imposed break is almost over. Back to the Sportsplex for more derby action! Don’t forget to tune into the live action today at 3:30 PM Portland time (6:30 PM Philly time) and catch the Wheels vs. Boston. I’ve been asked to do the live text-cast of that bout for DNN tonight, and I reluctantly accepted. So if you’re watching the live text-cast in conjunction with the streaming video, and the text part is three jams behind and everything is misspelled, then you’ll understand why. Until then keep tuning in here for more updates. Go Wheels!

“Carolina” you say? “No problem” I say!

2010-06-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

Out of the 34 jams that made up this bout, the Wheels of Justice had lead jammer all but a handful of times. The Wheels relied heavily upon Cadillac, Honey Hellfire, Sully Skullkicker, and Soulfearic Acid as their jammers. They had no problems breaking through Carolina’s defense. I mean no problems whatsoever. Many times our jammers would be just getting into turn #2, and the lead jammer whistle would sound. To the contrary, the Carolina Roller Girls seemed unable to break through our blockers at all. Carolina’s Holly Wanna Crackya and DVS were two of the only jammers that were successful at scoring any points. When the halftime buzzer sounded, we were ahead 107 to 12 (no, that’s NOT a typo). The second half proved to be more of the same. There wasn’t a huge amount of penalties on either side. As a matter of fact, the lion’s share of the penalty box time was done by the Wheels. When the final buzzer sounded, Wheels stood victorious at 189 to 31.

Two other bouts this day stand out in my mind as being a bit closer. The D.C. Rollergirls took on the Nashville Rollergirls in a sanctioned bout this morning. This was a good matchup because both teams have a fast, agile style. The pace of the pack was incredible. The score was close the entire bout until the last seven minutes, where Nashville pulled ahead to win it 117 to 86. An even better bout than that was Tampa Bay vs. Minnesota. During that entire bout the score didn’t differ by more than a few points, and at halftime the score stood at 52 to 53 Minnesota. The last 12 minutes saw Tampa up by 17 points or so. Then, in an amazing final 1:45 left, Minnesota staged a dramatic comeback to beat Tampa 98 to 96! The crowd went wild, to say the least.

Our old friend Slaybia is here with her Bay Area team. They destroyed Rhode Island 234 to 65. In other interesting news, Gotham’s Fresh Meat (referred to their Meat Packing District) took on Jersey’s first-string all star team, and CRUSHED them! Fresh Meat beating an all star team??? How often do you see that?

I learned that tomorrow’s scrimmage against Philly is at 8:00 AM Eastern time, not at 10:00 AM as I originally heard. So I’ll be getting up extra early to make my way to the Sportsplex to catch that one, for sure. Tomorrow’s sanctioned bout against Boston takes place at 6:30 PM (that’s 3:30 PM Portland time). So tune in here to watch our Wheels take on the Boston Derby Dames live. For now, I need to get some rest because I have another exciting 13 hours of derby tomorrow!!!

How Swede it is!

2010-06-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

The first day here in Feasterville started off with two evening bouts. The first of which was a regulation bout between Philly’s Independence Dolls and Gotham’s Wall Street Traitors. It was a close bout early on, but Philly’s defense proved to be quite strong. Philly was pulling ahead at halftime, and the score was Independence Dolls 47 to Wall Street Traitors 22. In the second half, Wall Street’s penalties were killing them, and the Independence Dolls’ defense was even stronger. Anne Frankenstein of the Wall Street Traitors put forth an amazing performance, but in the end it still wasn’t enough to save them from a 62 to 112 defeat at the hands of the Independence Dolls.

Next up was the Bout that I was anticipating to be a bit more competitive. Windy City took on Gotham in a sanctioned bout. Swede Hurt, who used to play for Rat City, is now playing for Gotham. She was no slouch when she played for Rat City, but she has really groomed her jamming skills while playing for Gotham. As a matter of fact, Gotham has a host of amazing jammers. Carmen Monoxide and Bonnie Thunders racked up the points jam after jam. But it was Swede Hurt that got the nod from me for the MVP of this bout. The halftime score of Gotham 86, Windy City 14 not only underscores Gotham’s jamming skills, but also their amazing blocking abilities. Beyonslay is back playing for Gotham, and she is blocking better than ever! Windy City’s Jackie Daniels put forth an amazing performance (especially in the second half), but in the end it didn’t save them from a 191 to 50 loss to Gotham.

Tomorrow (Saturday 6/26) the Wheels of Justice take on the Carolina Roller Girls in a sanctioned bout. Also, I learned from Rob Lobster tonight that our Wheels are going to take on Philly in a 10:00 AM scrimmage on Sunday. It’s not on the schedule, and it won’t be on any webcast, but I’ll be there reporting on it. So keep checking back here to get exclusive details on that bout! Until then, let the derby freedom ring!

East Coast Extravaganza!

2010-06-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, it’s that time of year again. The championships are over and it’s time for me to start packing my bags and get ready for travel season. So it’s off to the East Coast to watch our Wheel of Justice team compete in the East Coast Extravaganza located in beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Looking at the schedule, I strongly suspect that our Wheels aren’t going to have too many problems. There are only two bouts that they are competing in this weekend. The first one takes place on Saturday night at 7:00 PM (that’s 4:00 PM Portland time) against the Carolina Roller Girls. Carolina is currently ranked 6th in the East Coast division, and fails to get a national ranking by DerbyNewsNetwork (the WFTDA no longer keeps track of national rankings, only rankings within each division). The second bout isn’t until Sunday evening at 6:30 PM (3:30 PM Portland time) against Boston. Boston is currently ranked 13th nationally, and 3rd in the East Coast division. I’m guessing that this will be the better of the two bouts to watch…but that’s just speculation on my part.

The whole thing kicks off Friday evening with a pair of bouts featuring Gotham vs. Windy City, and one of Gotham’s league teams vs. one of Philly’s league teams. Of course there will be a lot of challenge bouts to watch throughout the weekend in addition to the sanctioned and regulation bouts on the schedule. So if you can’t bring yourself to withstand the sweltering humidity of Philadelphia, then you can watch the whole weekend live right here from the comfort of your own air conditioned home. As for me, I’ll be suffering the heat and humidity to bring you updates, bout recaps, and interviews from the City of Brotherly Love. My writing won’t be as eloquent as that of JeLLyPiG or the Coroner, but whose is?

So keep checking back here throughout the weekend for more updates. Go Wheels!!!

It's Just How We Roll

2010-06-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying to decide whether I had the "Best Birthday" or the "Best Birthday Ever!". It was one hell of a derby weekend and the Semi's certainly didn't disappoint. I'll spare you most of my usual derby dribble and get to the point-

My dream season ending was always to have our lovely Heathers face off against those pesky High Rollers. A dream soon to be realized...

For two seasons now, those HRMF'rs have dealt our Heartless heroes losses. Don't waste your time arguing the 30 minute season opening silly bouts, you just sound like my fundamentalist relatives try to explain dinosaurs to me. The facts are really simple, in full fledged, 60 minute bouts, for the last two seasons the Heathers have been the Gang Green's Bitch. Check it out for yourself: 5/10/09 , 6/07/09 and lastly the heartbreaker that was 3/17/10 .

If I may be so bold as to suggest, '10 Heartless Heathers this streak needs to end this Saturday @ the Expo Center!

I won't bore you with my superstitious sports fan theories that connect this losing streak with that unholy, demonic and cursed T shirt that makes our boy George the poster child for this event. I will suggest that WE, the Icebox Cadavers go old skool and bring the noise!

You know what I'm say'n.

Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers!

If for some bizarre reason you don't have tickets yet, they are doing Cheap Ticket Night at some fine drinking establishments. The link is.............................HERE

An old Heathers fan makes his voice heard...

2010-06-05T12:52:00.001-07:00

I "snapped" this pic of a surprising Heathers fan way back when...during the HH 2006 Championship bout, but last night's amazing victory inspired me to put it out there once again.

As Axel says, Heathers Por Vida!!!

Semi Awesomeness!

2010-06-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

Okay kids, the Coroner has left the building and the inmates have taken over the Asylum. Looks like it's just you and me now. Yep you're stuck with the man, the myth, the PiG. So let's talk derby.

Our wacky and wild RCR Intra league Season 5 is drawing to a close and this weekend is the beginning of the end. Our lovely Heartless heroes sit atop the number one spot and now face off against the 4th place G'Nr. The trash talking has been going for a little over a week now, over on the RCR Fan Forum. Our boy George has been doing a wicked job of shaking cages, riling the rockers and generally spouting some hilariously Heather-centric propaganda.

I chimed in too, playing my usual role of the cat turd in "the League" sandbox.Honestly, from the beginning of the season I expected the Gunz to be a force of nature. Early on I was spewing drunken bar babble about "The Four Horse Woman of the Roller Derby Apocalypse" to anyone that wasn't listening. Ironically, looking back at my bout notes for the G'Nr this year, most of the names that pop up were not the players I thought would be the biggest impact on the line up. Mercifully, I was 25% right, which is still a higher percentage of rightness than any of the 24 hour news networks. Cohesive pack play still seems inconsistent for the G'Nr and behind that kind of pack even great Jammers prove ineffective. I find it ironic that some of the best jams for them to date have been on the backs of lines up that I would not expect. The beautiful thing here is, I have a new appreciation and definition for the real work horses of the G'Nr.

When the Heathers faced those Buttrockers in the regular season, it was a nail biter. Oh sure, the HH held them scoreless for the first five jams and lead for the first eight, but those Gunts also served up a four and then a nine jam run that didn't add squat to the Heathers scoreboard. Those runs left the Heathers down by 24 at the half. Hell, they didn't reclaim the lead until the 13th jam of the second half, BUT... they DID come back. They also built their lead with 2 on 3 packs which says tons about the Heathers Pack Monsters. (MōBs is my Hero this year.)

It took the entire 60 minutes and a healthy slathering of Baconnaise, but our Ice Princesses took the 96 to 86 win. Now they face the GN'r again, in the battle before the battle. It's "Win and Advance" time and I can't think of a better obstacle between here and the City Championship.

I won't babble on about the value of team play (Teamwork only makes your ass look bigger if that's what you want it to look like) or what I think are the keys to taking the G'Nr out of their game. Every Heather and Ice Box Cadaver already knows this shit and if you don't read the blog archives.

I will tell you the story of two little boys. Two boys that for years thought their lives were complete, until one day...five years ago, they saw an RCR bout. They fell in love with the sport and not in that creepy "get over on chicks" sort of way either, just pure passion. Through some force of destiny those boys both became Heathers fans. As their love for the sport grew so did their belief in their team. These boys would bleed blue for you, if they only had a heart. They not only share an admiration for the sport, it's players and this team, they also share a birthday and that day is June 4th. (I know, nothing worse than evil Gemini boys but stay with me on this one.) These two only want one thing for their birthday this year, and no it's not another Polly Pocket or an E Z Bake Oven, it's a Heathers victory. They would love a Championship but are only asking for one thing...one more win!

Of course that's on the 4th and I don't know anyone with a birthday on the 5th, so I guess the #2 High Rollers and #3 Betties ;,) will have to find their own inspirational story for motivation. That could be a scrappy match up and of course feed us the next opponent to face for our Heartless lovelies for whatever sort of final battle that will be the season ender.

You can check out more Semi blogging on "the League" site with a great piece "From the Crash Zone" by the latest addition to RCR blogosphere Amanda HugNKill.

Of course we'll see you Friday at the Hangar.

Until then, stay golden Pony Boy and yes...

Heathers Por mf'n Vida!

Happy Trails (Derby is a Force that Gives Us Meaning, part 2)

2010-05-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot of fun blogging about/for the Heathers these past couple of years. Now I'm going to bow out. I still like derby and revere the Heathers, but have lost the energy for derby writing. I hope JeLLyPiG and others who have contributed here will hang with it, so I have something to read on the CI about the Heathers now and again.

The idea for the Coroner's Inquest originated in a guest blog post over at "All Bout Derby," which read in part:

Derby is fucking fun for a fan, and it's fun trying to figure out more about it by bugging the people who actually do it.

I want more information. I would like all the local teams to have a site on blogspot. com or some other easily updated and accessible (i.e., without-login, i.e. not Facebook or MySpace site) where team updates, skater profiles, news announcements, photos, and YouTube videos would be posted. Associated with those sites would be mailing lists that would announce updates. A skater or a friend of the team could be editor, but the team blog site would engage fans and other interested parties, and would encourage discussion among skaters and fans. Not everyone would have to participate - not everyone enjoys on-line interaction, but an avenue would be created for league-to-fan and team-to-fan-and-back-again information. The blogs would tell me that Ginger Binger had been drafted to the Heathers and was skating the next bout, that Megahurtz would be sitting this one out, that November Pain's pink triangle on her butt was just an emblem of the company that sold her those butt-saving padded shorts, and why Ameana Acid was no longer a Heather but was now a High Roller.

Do most people care that much or want that much information? Maybe not. Maybe they don't mind being surprised that Goodie Two Skates is no longer on the High Rollers, that Sump Pump is finally a Heather again, that Donna De Dead quit the Betties, or that Harm is no longer G'n'R, but such things matter to some of us who build, in our tiny minds, a little drama with a specific cast, a narrative of the cosmos that we can follow. I would love to know what team line-ups I will be seeing next bout, how that skater's ankle is treating her, who will be skating for the last bout of her career, what Fresh Meat will make an immediate difference to her new team.

But who among the many volunteers of roller derby (from bout volunteer to league president) has time to be a blogmaster? And would it mean anything real in terms of fan engagement and increased attendance, or would it just be giving geeks like me something to read on a Saturday night when I should be preparing tomorrow's sermon?

Hm. Well, that's all kind of funny, in retrospect. After reading that, Ringer emailed me to ask if I'd be up to blogging for the Heathers. I couldn't refuse. And obviously, the content here hasn't turned out quite the way I envisioned, but there has been some stuff to read now and again.

What I enjoyed most in doing the blog was finding out about people through the skater interviews and fan profiles. Thanks to all the great interview subjects. You're really remarkable people, every one of you.

Fortunately for everybody, the local on-line derby world has really blossomed lately, what with the G'n'R blog, the RCR blog, fan forums, and skater profiles, not to mention the Facebook and Twitter pages of all the RCR teams. Derby fans have many information sources now, and can go play on-line in any number of venues. I urge you to do so.

And now, for a final disjointed paragraph: Thanks, Heathers. Your autographed 2008 Championship photo hangs in my office, where it receives much adoration. I will be yelling for you in the semis and the finals. You're my favorite sports team ever.

HPV!

Axles of Annihilation in Cali

2010-04-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

Battle for the Coast starts tomorrow, Saturday May 1, 2010.

Said Battle is a roller derby tournament in Ventura, California, where Perry Mason creator Erle Stanley Gardner had a law practice and did much of his early writing. Incredible, I know.

Live Coverage at DNN, starts Saturday morning at 11. Apparently, AOA is scheduled to compete at 3:30 and 6:45 p.m. on the first day.

DNN says one thing about the Axles' roster, and the Axles' Facebook Page says quite another, but we'll go with what the Axles tell us:

Heidi Go Seek-Captain
Viagrrra Falls-Captain
Butcher Block
Domesticated Violence
Fire Crotch
Goodie Twoskates
Punchkin
Shove Me Tender
Twat Rocket
Viva Vendetta

Guest skaters:
Sol Train
~~Smack-ya Sideways~~ - UPDATE - Smackya out due to injury. Feel better!
Boxcar Bethy
Texine

Speed Bump and French Tickler doing bench support.

Go, Sports Team!

AoA will Derby for Food...

2010-04-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

TONIGHT! Come out and support the team as they earn their way to the Battle for the Coast. You can lay a solid base for a long night of carousing and carrying on, with proceeds going to help the Axles. Thanks to the good folks at the Hawthorne Burgerville

(Conveniently located across from my favourite Liquor Store. That there is some one stop shopping!)

Here's the det's:

Tonight!

5:00pm - 8:00pm

Burgerville 1122 SE Hawthorne

The best way to start off your Saturday night 5-8! Help us out by showing some support on helping your lovely ladies Annihilate some California ass!

Wheels of Justice's very own coach, DJ Lobster, will be spinning some dancing tunes followed by Napoleon Blown-Apart's new band, Pocketknife!! This is a free event but please feel free to donate for our travel costs. Also, 10% of Burgerville's sales for that evening will go to the team!!

Just so that you know, Burgerville purchases all there own hormone free meats, dairy and produce locally to continue to support the Portland, OR community.

Hope to see you all there!!

Viva La Vom!

2010-04-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

So the DRaFT results are in...

Heathers: Vominatrix (returning)

GnR: Rolla Reina (returning)

High Rollers: Mia Feral (fresh meat)

Betties: Fran Checkya (returning)

Thanks to Texine I can just copy and paste.

The Final Jam Commences

2010-04-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

High Rollers 113, Break Neck Betties 78

2010-04-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

Titania, Twat, Mick!

2010-04-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

Oh no! She misaligned the barriers!

2010-04-17T17:23:00.000-07:00

JeLLyPiG!

2010-04-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

The Docket

2010-04-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

Incredible derby weekend ahead.

In fact, to paraphrase a line from Lou Reed's liner notes to Metal Machine Music, this weekend beats your year.

Friday night, April 16, Portland's Wheels of Justice all-star team clashes with Baltimore's Charm City Roller Girls at the Oaks Park Hangar, doors at 7, bout at 8. Portland, sixth in DNN's Power Rankings faces off with eleventh ranked Charm City in an inevitably tough bout against a gritty east coast team on the first leg of a Pacific Northwest swing, wherein Charm also meets Oly and Rat.

Bout is sold out, but if you didn't get tickets, you can watch a great live broadcast here on your computer, or live at Kay's or Buffalo Gap (info at the above link) in high def. And one must emphasize that these live boutcasts are extremely high calibre. Great stuff, RCR.

Saturday, April 17, sold-out last regular season Portland intra-league bout before the June 4-5 semifinals: Break Neck Betties v High Rollers.

Season standings are currently tight, and this bout will help determine the semi-final match-ups.

And in case you didn't get the memo, we'll clue you in: every day this RCR season is Anything Can Happen Day. Most competitive season ever. Best season ever. Either team can win on Saturday. Victory is assured for no one.

Boutcast link forthcoming.

Sunday, April 18, The Rosebuds v Seattle's I-5 Rollergirls in a great youth benefit at the Hangar. Doors at noon, bout at one, love is all around. $5 at the door. And you can give even more.

Other stuff

Doc Snark has a post on last weekend's Heathers/GnR bout that seems to interpret the Heather's victory as sort of an inverted double one-and-a-half rope-a-dope with a twist. Good reading over there. Go spew in the comments.

Official RCR Fan Forums. Come play with us.

Official RCR Blog. Event recaps, announcements, Baconnaise. Go read!

RCR Newsletter. Subscribe to receive it by email. Interesting and informative.

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

Tuesday Heathers Googling

2010-04-13T07:52:00.000-07:00

Boutcast archive is up.

Daily Ab hearts GnR and talks Baconnaise.

Grace Fell has some interesting shots up on Flickr from last Saturday night.

Dr. John Rudoff also has a set of shots up.

Syma had date night at the derby.

UPDATE: via Sharkey, Skippy Steve's shots from Saturday

LATER UPDATE: Sharkey's photos from Heathers v Guns

Baconnaise

2010-04-10T19:50:00.001-07:00

Frenchie and Bro Train

2010-04-10T17:38:00.000-07:00

The Line-Ups

2010-04-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

Great thing I learned at the new Heathers Fan Forum is that Speed Bump posts the 14-player rosters for a coming bout on the bout's events page. Lots of information for this Saturday's sold-out bout embedded therein:

Heathers
Mobi Wan Kenobi
Mick U Cry
The Blast Unicorn
D Day
Fire Crotch
Knotty La Rue
Ruby Bruiseday
She Rex
Scratcher in the Eye
Skintastic Dynomite
Sol Train
Titania
Twat Rocket
Viagrra Falls

GnR
Cher The Pain
Mercyful Kate
Axl Blows
Blood Clottia
Boxcar Bethy
Evilia D. Stroiu
Fist O'Fury
Hard Knox
Knocker Brown
Miss Mel Mangles
Napalm Beth
Punchkin
Smack Ya Sideways
Sugar & Vice

Gee. I think I know who's going to win. What do you think?

Sol Train - Sol Boating

2010-04-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

Nice li'l clip featuring Sol Train and some Whitewater porn from over at Northwest Livin' (click-thru to read the blurb).

Some Eye-Popping Stats Compiled by RCR Announcer, Rose City Roller Radio host Mike Chexx

2010-04-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

via Mike's Facebook note

"This is obviously not a show post, that should come a little later this week. Instead, this is an update of the League Leaders.

Standard disclaimers apply, which is to say, I don't guarantee the 100% accuracy of the stats contained within this post. The league (and WFTDA) is constantly trying to improve the way that derby stats are taken, recorded, and reported. As this level of statistics is still in its infancy, there are bound to be some miscalculations, and possible database bugs that will eventually get worked out and corrected.

In other words, don't shoot the messenger. Thanks.

It should also be noted that, after much internal debate, I included the stats from the mini-bouts that were from the season opening tournament. If the wins and losses count toward the league standings, I suppose the stats should count as well. Anyway, here you go....

Total number of jams skated:

Chest-Nutz (BNB) 66
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 66
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 63
Mick U Cry (HH) 63
Layla Smackdown (HR) 61

Points (by jammers):

Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 178
SoulFearic Acid (BNB) 114
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 108
Cadillac (GnR) 97
Blood Clottia (GnR) 96

Points Per Jam (minimum 10 jams):

Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 4.56
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 3.72
Wreck Deckard (HR) 3.69
SoulFearic Acid (BNB) 3.68
Cher the Pain (GnR) 3.43

Lead Jammer Percentage (minimum 10 jams):

Licker*N*Split (BNB) 66%
Cadillac (GnR) 63%
Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 62%
Honey Hellfire (HR) 59%
Wreck Deckard (HR) 58%

Penalties In Minutes:

Mick U Cry (HH) 20
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 19
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 19
Layla Smackdown (HR) 16
3 others tied at 14

Offensive Block:

Mick U Cry (HH) 21
Napalm Beth (GnR) 18
Layla Smackdown (HR) 17
JK Rolling (HR) 16
Cadillac (GnR) 14
Shove Me Tender (BNB) 14

Offensive Knockdown:

Mick U Cry (HH) 6
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 4
Hurricane Skatrina (HR) 4
Cadillac (GnR) 2
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 2

Whip:

Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 20
Cadillac (GnR) 6
Sedusa Destroy (HR) 6
Domesticated Violence (BNB) 5
JK Rolling (HR) 4

Push:

Fire Crotch (HH) 3
Layla Smackdown (HR) 3
JK Rolling (HR) 2
Napalm Beth (GnR) 2
Titania (HH) 2
Madame Bumps-a-lot (HR) 2

Dozer (Mama Whale):

Fire Crotch (HH) 1
Leet Speaking Missile (BNB) 1
Heidi Go Seek (HR) 1
Sol Train (HH) 1
Ruby Bruiseday (HH) 1
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 1
Chest-Nutz (BNB) 1
Butcher Block (HH) 1

Total Jammer Assists (the 5 categories above, totaled):

Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 31
Mick U Cry (HH) 31
JK Rolling (HR) 22
Napalm Beth (GnR) 22
Cadillac (GnR) 22

1/4 Track Jammer Block:

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 23
Layla Smackdown (HR) 20
JK Rolling (HR) 16
Hurricane Skatrina (HR) 16
Fire Crotch (HH) 15

Jammer Force Out:

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 24
Mel Mangles (GnR) 18
Mick U Cry (HH) 15
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 14
Napalm Beth (GnR) 14

Jammer Hit:

Mick U Cry (HH) 18
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 16
Shove Me Tender (BNB) 14
Mel Mangles (GnR) 13
Viagrra Falls (HH) 11

Jammer Knockdown:

Mel Mangles (GnR) 9
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 9
Mercyful Kate (GnR) 9
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 8
Mick U Cry (HH) 6
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 6

Blocker Assist:

Viagrra Falls (HH) 2
12 others tied at 1

Total Attacks (the 5 categories above, totaled):

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 70
Mick U Cry (HH) 54
Mel Mangles (GnR) 52
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 39
Layla Smackdown (HR) 38

So, there you have them. I am willing to send individual skaters their individual statistics (as I have them tallied), if you care to see them. Email me, and I will email you back. Questions? Answers? Corrections? Feel free to send them my way...

Mike Chexx"

Great stuff, Mike! Thanks!

Public Service Announcement: Still Tickets Available for Heathers v Guns

2010-04-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

Saturday's bout has not yet sold out. I just bought two more tickets my own self.

This bout will sell out, so get on the stick.

She don't skate no mo', but she blows a mean drill whistle.

That's Quite Some "B" Team.

2010-04-02T05:25:00.000-07:00

From Axles of Annihilation on Facebook:

"Official Battle For the Coast roster now finalized! Heidi Go Seek-Captain, Viagrrra Falls-Captain, Butcher Block, Domesticated Violence, Fire Crotch, Goodie Twoskates, Punchkin, Shove Me Tender, Twat Rocket, Viva Vendetta. Including Guest skaters: Sol Train, Smack-ya Sideways, Boxcar Beathy, Textine. Special thanks to Speed Bump and Frenchie for offering their bench support!! Were gonna rock it May 1 & 2!!"

New RCR Fan Forums - Pretty Cool

2010-03-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

Even though we haven't gotten around to memorializing last weekend's fun, including a Heathers 146-107 scrimmage win against Rainy City and friends (including TeqKillYa!), and the Betties' 107-93 victory over GnR (which you can relive here), we thought we should let you know that Speed Bump has created a public forum for RCR fans, skaters, volunteers, officials, and other interested parties, and it looks like it will be fun. We urge you to register, get your account validated, and start jibbering your jabber, as they say.

RCR has also provided this great directory of other RCR resources (including the humble old C.I.) on the web. Dive in.

Oh, and here's the latest work of genius from JeLLyPiG -

Potpourri for 1000

2010-03-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

Skirmish: Heathers scrimmage v. tough ol' Rainy City. Unlimited roster. Friday night at the Hangar. Doors at 7. Roll at 8. $5 at the door. They're sellin' beer. Effin' A.

Bout: Betties v. Guns, Saturday night at the Hangar, door at 5, bout at 6. Trying to get a read on whether we'll see the return of Rhea and Marollin' this bout. Will report back.

Anyway, that stuff's sold out, so if you can't get in, watch it on the live stream or down at Kay's Bar or Buffalo Gap. Nice joints, both of 'em.

Fashion: Still diggin' on the tasty new Heathers uniforms. Word on the street is that Monacle Debacle had something to do with their design.

photo by Sharkey

Renegade: Twat Rocket has been getting in on some Bend renegade action. Skatie Kat was kind enough to link this vid in another venue:

UPDATE: Hoisted from the comments: Skatie Kat said...Both Twat Rocket and the newest HH, Blast Unicorn are featured in the video. Blast gets 2 grand slams! woot!

If I only had a heart...

2010-03-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

Time for me to move away from watching Philly get beat by the Best of West on Dvd and throw some PiG crap at the blog. Yes, thanks to the efforts of Blaze Streaming Media you too can buy your favorite bouts from track 1 @ Wild West Showdown on Dvd. As you can imagine, I watch them like they are the Zapruder film.

Speaking of "back and to the left"…I’m not clear on which step of the grieving process I am currently on after the 112 - 113 loss to the High Rollers on Saturday. With all the money I spend on my Roller Derby Obsession, I can’t really afford the professional help I so badly need. Perhaps spewing it out in a blog will help more than the piles of empties around my desk...

I seriously doubt anyone thought for a second the High Rollers were going to go quietly. As the man on the mic, Mike Chexx pointed out in his podcast about the HR vs G’nr bout last month, the HR have depth. Entrenched in that depth is some highly skilled veterans, and a team that has proven they can play as a cohesive unit. The bout was always going to be a battle of capitalization, that is capitalizing on the mistakes of the competitor and not allowing them to capitalize on yours.

Starting off with a couple of quick jams, the Heathers went up, only to be down by a few points over the next couple of jams. Viagra’s nine point jam in the 7^th jam, with some monster Firecrotch blocking seemed to give the Heathers some momentum along with the lead. The Heathers seemed focused through the next five jams and FC’s 4 points capped it off with a 42- 23 lead. Not a wide enough margin against a team that posted a 45 - 0 run against the G’nr and as you would imagine the HR powered back. After a six point jam by Minstrel Psycho, Wreck Deckard took the line with 4 on 2 pack advantage and hammered in a 17 point run to give those High Roller MF'rs a three point lead. Follow that with an HR Power Jam and consistent four point runs and the High Rollers put away the first .5 with 59 - 51 lead over the Heartless ones.

And my “critical first ten minutes of the second half” theory?

I doubt the second half game plan was get Scratcher to the box in the first jam. BUT, two solid jams by Viagra sandwiched a four point Sol Train jam and took the Heathers to a 75 - 59 lead. After a down but productive run by Twat, Scratcher made a big run and took the Heathers to a 90 - 73 lead. At this point it became a series of little battles and the effects of penalties, which the High Rollers were winning. With about 10 minutes left in the bout, Wreck faced our Mobi at the line and hit big with 11 as MoB’s hit the box. Now down by 8, the pressure was on our ladies in blue to come back and they had ten minutes to get the job done. Unfortunately, Madame Bumpsalot made her post retirement debut, and the time off had zero effect on her skills allowing her to build a 108 - 92 lead.

With about five minutes left, my notes get sketchy when compared to my memory. I know Scratcher hit for double digits and got it close, Viagra took the line beating out Bumps and Heathers had the lead 112-108. Scratcher was back on the line in a Power Jam, because Bumps was called to the box as the jam lined up. Scratch gained Lead Jammer, appeared to be watching the clock wind down, almost playful threatening to call the jam and with 10 sec on the clock the fourth whistle blew and the jam was called. The High Rollers immediately called for the Time Out they had left…the clock rolled until Wench Warden straightened things out. Now with 10 seconds on the clock the last jam began, Scratcher again alone on the line. My eyes were fixed on Bumps who was up and on her way out of the box while the HR tied Scratcher up in pack. Bumps hit the pack with a vengeance, quickly assumed Lead Jammer, controlling the clock. Scratcher elected to play Jammer on Jammer defense at the rear of the pack, missed the block and Bumps was through racking up five points as the jam clock wound down and BOOM! By one point the High Rollers had that second .5 and the bout.

Now I am just a drunken yokel that has seen a few derby bouts. I couldn't tell you whether the annoying track barriers were set to the 5' WFTDA minimum standard or not. I do know Scratcher calling the jam with 10 seconds on the clock was a huge “Oh SH!T” moment. With time on the clock and Time Out in my pocket, even a Weed Seed like me would have called for a time out to stop the clock. Why, oh why the choice was made to call the jam and risk the Lead Jammer status you already owned is beyond me.The High Rollers used that poor choice as an opportunity to capitalize, which is exactly what they did. Don’t be confused though, the High Rollers won the bout, it was effort and team work that gave them the position they needed to be in to close.

Though my bout notes are written in mediocre teenaged penmanship and the numbers don’t quite all add up, the facts are close enough. Over three quarters of the Heathers offense and even more jams came on the backs of three jammers. Viagra Falls turned in huge numbers all the way around, Scratcher jammed enough for two people and Twat did one hell of a job as well, but the pressure was on those three. On the High Rollers side, they jammed 6, with NO WHITEY (To the Heathers 7 ) and got great consistent productivity from five of them, those five also shared pretty equally the number of jams jammed. Tired jammers make mistakes…the five Power Jams the HH allowed coupled with silly fouls and the call of the jam are evidence of that.

In the end I remembered my lesson from last season, this sandwich goes down easier with more Ketchup.

Thankfully Sunday gave me an opportunity to wash that taste out my mouth with some killer Buds. It was the Sisterly Smackdown with the Rose Buds paired up with their Derby Mommies. It was simple and pure Roller Derby Fun. From our Heartless Heathers there was D Day beaming like a proud Den Mother. Goodie was being all goodie. Scratcher…not calling off the jam out there. A rare appearance by the alter ego, Hard Candy. Mick U Cry was hiding out in a blonde wig in a vain attempt to avoid what no doubt feels like targeted officiating. The treat was recently retired and Original Eight HH skater…TeqKillYa on skates and out there trading blocks with the Rose Buds. The Barbie Breakers took the match up with a 140 - 133 win over the Jump Rope Mafia. It was a great reminder of just how fun this game can be to one of “those people” that takes it all to seriously.

And seriously, there’s a great match up on the 20^th in Rainy City as they take on Atomic City in Centralia. Our precious Rose Buds will (NOT) be playing a halftime bout there. Of course Rainy City will be here on the 26^th for a $5 scrimmage bout against our Heathers, followed by those Betties versus G’nr on the 27^th.

Until then…I'll be reading Tank's article in the Spring 2010, FiveOnFive...(page 16) and watching RCR vs Oly on DVD. At least up until it's 4:00 mins into the second half, because the game ends when PiG says the game ends.

Edited the Buds in Rainy City bit based on Creepy Stalker intel from the Social Networking site

Wow, another RCR blog

2010-03-15T07:34:00.001-07:00

Not sure who does the "a game of brutal beauty" blog, but I certainly do enjoy it.

Somebody over there really likes RCR.

The Daily Ab also really likes Portland Roller Derby.

High Rollers 113, Heartless Heathers 112

2010-03-13T20:49:00.001-08:00

Hard-fought, fun-to-watch bout.

Congratulations to the High Rollers and, as always, thanks to the Heartless Heathers.

Seemed like a tactical error in the heat of battle at the end, there, for the Heathers to call the jam when they could have run out the clock for victory.

But that's the fog of war for you.

The Mascot Who Shall Not Be Named!

2010-03-13T18:00:00.000-08:00

Rich Wholesome Streaming Goodness

2010-03-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

RCR's live stream will have the bout tonight. And if you're feeling sociable, you can watch it down at Kay's in Sellwood.

Some Betties will be there. I've met some of them and they're actually quite nice. Not at all the devils I had been raised to believe they were.

HRMF: The return of Madame Bumpsalot and White Flight

2010-03-11T09:36:00.000-08:00

photo by Chris Barnes

We were able to confirm with the lovely, talented, and formidable High Rollers capo Intensive Scare that Madame Bumpsalot and White Flight will be returning to the HRMF Roster for the bout against our beloved Heathers Saturday night.

Scurr: "Madame and Whitey are both skating. So exciting! Whitey is doing fantastic! The whole team is fabulous and oh so ready."

So the High Rollers may be an even tougher team than the group who almost overcame GnR a few weeks back.

We look forward to a raucous bout.

Heathers por Vida!

The Docket

2010-03-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

Amazing weekend of Portland roller derby, this one coming up. The Oaks Park Hangar is where the action is.

Guns N Rollers scrimmage against Eugene's Skatesaphrenics Friday night, door at 7, skating at 8. $5 at the door, and they're selling beer, so bring some pretzels.

The big deal bout between our beloved Heartless Heathers and our beliked High Rollers (will George wear The Shirt?) is Saturday night, doors at five, bout at six, and it's sold out. Of course you can still buy pro rata discounted Season Passes in two distinct varieties should you desire to gain admission to this and a multitude of other spectacular matches.

We hope to have more on this Heathers/HRMF bout soon.

And Sunday the Rosebuds mix it up with some of their RCR elders in the Sisterly Smackdown, 1 p.m., $5 at the door.

Groovy Times.

Justice restored in the Wild West...

2010-03-03T09:53:00.000-08:00

It took the Wild West Showdown to finally get me off my lazy blogger @$$. I have some great reasons and lame excuses for my lacking contribution thus far this season, but that ain't what this here blog is all about.

Bremerton/Silverdale (aka;Sunnyvale, as I was partial to calling it), WaRshington was the picturesque area, the Kitsap County Pavilion was the cool site, and Slaughter County Roller Vixen the hosts of the awesome event that was the Wild West Showdown. This was a major undertaking and for the most part went off without any real "Derby Standard Time" nonsense though Power and P.A. issues created some funny challenges. I'm talking announcers yelling and "Derby By Candlelight". It was really well organized and great fun given the complexity of an event that featured 19 teams, two sanctioned bout tracks and a challenge track. I know there were Official's, NSO's and Volunteers from all over...Thank YOU for helping making this event go as smoothly as it did

Unlike single track events, if you found yourself thinking the bout you were watching is well in hand or in my case "They are just going to keep doing the same stupid sh!t for the next 20 minutes" you could walk right over to another bout. It was at times overwhelming trying to see all the teams and match ups I wanted to see. By the time I got back Sunday night, every time I closed my eyes I was seeing derby tracers on the inside of my eye lids, a small price to pay for all that fun.

Of course the real motivator for the trip was seeing our Wheels of Justice skate their three bouts. Talk about a tough schedule, Friday night #1 ranked Oly followed by a bout Saturday with their historic rivals the B.A.D. Girls and capping it off Sunday with the last seasons "Giant Killers" the Philly Liberty Belles. Based solely on those three bouts the trip was a "must see", add in all the other bouts and teams you got a "cannot f^#king miss" event.

Thanks to the responsibilities of parenting on Friday, when I arrived it was already 31-16 Oly. I immediately went to the crow's nest view of the Beer Garden to drive a few in me, shake off the drive and watch a battle of inches. WoJ showed no sign of letting up despite being down. It always felt like they were a good jam or two from taking the game back. As Caddie's monster jam closed the half, WoJ was down only 13 points with 87 to 74 on the board.

(One of my wacky derby theories is the first ten minutes of the second half is the key to turning mommentum for the team that is down and conversely for the team that is ahead the time establish true dominamnce in any bout. That's why REAL and MEANINGFUL bouts are 60 minutes in length, only a GooBeR would count a 30 minute bout. Watch how I make facts substantiate my theory...)

The second half started with a power jam for WoJ, with the lovely Rhea Deranged at the line. With a clear game plan in place and smart well executed blocking, she turned in a 20 point jam and gave WoJ a 93 to 87 lead over Oly. WoJ did a fierce job following their game plan and riding the lead spot to 104 to 100 mark. At that point, that Heffer turned in a 15 point jam and gave Oly back the lead. WoJ maintained their poise and continued to play heads up derby as the game progressed. At this point the blur set in for me, I remember being down by 16, then Sully up against Atomatrix who got the lead and then was off to the box, a battle of blockers, WoJ doing a great job controlling the pack and then a damned tied game with about 8 minutes left! 141 to 141...my heart racing as we work through the next few jams. Oly did strike back to gain the lead, but WoJ never lost sight of how close they were. Blood and Scratcher would post 4 more apiece but at 157-149 Oly, the last jam came down to lead and that was Atomatrix who called it for the win.

A huge statement was made by WoJ in this bout. Yes, they lost BUT (PiG's BiG BUT) there are only three bouts and two teams in Oly's 13 game official record that have ended within 10 points. One bout was against those pesky Denver Roller Dolls (A home bout for Oly that was within 2 pts) and both other times they had "officially" faced Rose City. The next closest score with Oly would be their win over Gotham that had a 31 point differential. It was a damn fine way for WoJ to kick off not only the Wild West Showdown, but the 2010 All Star Season. Of course, this was only the first bout of the weekend for our Wheels.

Saturdays closing bout on Track 1 brought WoJ face to face with their nemesis of years gone by, those B.A.D. girls. I really expected a bruiser bout given the history. Though the bout started with quick jams for single digit points, WoJ would control the bout the entire way. WoJ took the lead and limited B.A.D.'s offense and dismantled their blockers. By Halftime it was 91 to 12 Rose City. Have I explained my first ten minutes of the second half theories to you?? Well, I gave this one about 5 minutes or at least until it was 100 to 13 Rose City before I committed the ultimate act of sacrilege and walked away to track 2 to watch Sacred Vs Duke City. That's right, despite my usual response of being HypMoTized by Bay Area's Demanda Riot and being a RCR loyalist...I left for greener pastures. Of course I watched the clock to return for the 156 to 27 WoJ victory lap.

WoJ saved the best for last...

Sundays final Track 1 bout was with #6 ranked Philliadelphia Roller Girls. Now I was a Philly a fan until this point in the weekend ("Duh"...I know). Philly has a soft spot in the old PiGz heart with the win over Gotham in Wicked Wheels of the East and their narrowly missed second half bounce back against Rocky Mountain at the Declaration of Derby. I wanted Philly to take down the "Giant" again against Oly. I also selfishly wanted them to win a hard fought battle against Rat mainly to keep pressure off WoJ in the standings if things went hinky. It would also help "theoretically" wear Philly down for WoJ, since Philly was doubling up bouts on Sunday. Philly had dropped both those bouts but were not going to leave the West quietly.

Philly came out with the fresh legs of Shenita Stretcher and took the first jam 4-0. WoJ fired back with a 36 point run before allowing any offense to Philly. As the bout wore on they traded some decent scoring runs, though WoJ maintained the lead 65 to 49 at the half. Despite leading most of the first half, you could see Philly had something to prove and challenged WoJ at every oppurtunity. Again, it was poise, smart play and execution that gave the Wheels the first half point advantage.

Philly came out from halftime with their own plan, their own focus and corrections to play that further proves only a GooBeR thinks a half bout can count. Yeah the lead would ebb and flow for WoJ, and they maintained that lead for those critical first ten minutes of the second half, but Philly was still only down by 17. At this point, with all the bouts I had seen, beers consumed and my "emotional investment in this bout, I went into a total Derby Trance.

I can recall watching the jammers rotate through and the blockers pounding it out, "We're doin it, Yeah, Yeah We are doing it" I was thinking to myself. At 102 to 80 about halfway through that second half, I felt like WoJ was in prime spot to put this one away. As I had said to someone early in the weekend Philly is adaptive, they are also smart enough to capitalize on every mistake and call that goes their way...and that is just what they did over the next few jams. Philly took a 110 to 102 lead with about ten minutes left in the bout. The WoJ ArmY that had been well respresented all weekend was in full effect in the stands. WoJ, the team, though down, looked focused, intense but calm. Despite some quick productive jams by Scratcher and Licker, Philly was also racking up some points which brought it to 116 to 114 Philly. After a quick 0-0 jam jam where Philly took lead jammer, Licker went to the line against Persephone. After getting lead jammer and a quick two, Licker tied the bout with less than a minute on the clock. With no real time on the clock, Scratcher took the line for the Wheels of Justice for the final jam against PRG's Elle Viento. Once Scratcher took lead jammer...it was a quick 2 and the jam was called.

At that point, I resumed breathing...

There is no recap that could do justice for the way our Wheels rolled all weekend long. Every bout they played was focused, with great pack control and awesome blocking that gave jammers the chance for some great jams. Every member of the WoJ team played smart. They didn't allow themselves to be distracted by their mistakes and capitalized on most of the opprutunities created by their opponents mistakes. I was damn proud to be one of the many RCR fans in the stands.

As I said the stands were full of RCR Faithful or "The WoJ Army", which was great to see and to chat with all the friendlies. It was a treat to see a ton of Roller Derby talent, as I said 19 teams and some great bouts. If you missed WWS this year, don't make the same mistake twice. I hear we have 361 days until it happens agains, so one dollar a day put away could put your butt in the stands next year for all the fun! If you were there, you should fill out their survey.

I know the Dapper Don of Derby, Mike Chexx will treat us to a WWS podcast of sorts as he makes up for the missing Heathers/Betties podcast from last week. (If you haven't checked out the podcasts...you're missing out) We were also blessed with some coverage from the mighty DNN, which is also worth checking out.

Of course we have more great local derby coming up. I'm making the trek to Salem to see Cherry City take on Sicktown in the Banshee Brawl this weekend. March 13th has the New and Improved Heartless Heathers take on those High Rollers, in a bout that could wash away the sins of last year. I also hear tales of a Heathers scrimmage against those brutal Rainy City girls Friday before the GnR/Betties bout in a couple of weeks. Check out RCR newsletter for up to date info.

Until next time...

One more from the weekend: Wheels of Justice 118, Philadelphia 116

2010-03-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

photo by Skatie Kat

Scratcher in the Eye scored two points for victory in the final jam.

As JeLLyPiG reported it from his Twitter page "JeLLyPiG Has chewed his nails to the quick, rung my hand so hard I damn near broke my fingers...but Scratcher was on the line and Justice served .."

A great weekend for the Wheels of Justice, the Rose City Rollers, and roller derby fans.

WOJ 156 BAD 27

2010-02-28T03:30:00.001-08:00

I'm sure that means something.

Oly 157, Rose 149

2010-02-26T21:43:00.000-08:00

Easily bout of the year, so far.

So close to last March's 157 - 151.

Anyone who was surprised at how close the bout was has not been paying attention to RCR.

UPDATE: DNN Recap.

Rose City v Bay Area tonight (Sat, Feb 27) at 7. Get your boutcast here or at Kay's Bar in Sellwood.

WOJ v Oly tonight at 8 p.m.

2010-02-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

A very busy workday necessitates a very brief post, but I would indeed be remiss if I did not at least mention that the Wheels of Justice skate against the Oly Rollers tonight at 8 at the Wild West Showdown, which runs through Sunday in Bremerton, WA.

And if you're not lucky enough to be able to attend, you can watch the bout, as well as the weekend's other bouts here.

The Wheels are out for revenge against the national champs after last March's 157 - 151 loss in Oly. The Rose City women have never been more determined.

More action: Saturday, WOJ rolls against Bay Area (hi, Slaybia!) at 7 p.m., and Sunday afternoon at 4, they take on Philadelphia.

Hallelujah, Roller Derby!

RCR Draft thread - probably with many updates

2010-02-23T20:17:00.000-08:00

(thanks to SkatieKat, Tini, and BNB on Facebook for the updates)

Rhea Derange rejoins the Betties. Always a pleasure to see her skate. One of the great derby talents in the nation. Betties also land Michelle. Nicely done!

And Madame Bumpsalot returns to the High Rollers!

Heartless Heathers take KC, jammer possibility. Dang! Shine on!

GnR get Boxcar, Knocker Brown, Attractive Nuisance, and Tish.

Well, hell, there ya go!

Thanks to everybody for the information, especially the stuff we weren't supposed to have. We'll incorporate your inevitable corrections in updates.

Congratulations draftees and returnees!

This is fun

2010-02-22T13:11:00.000-08:00

via RCR on Twitter a Boy Eats Drum Machine music vid featuring some RCR heroines -

Boy Eats Drum Machine - ABQ from Benjamin Meader on Vimeo.

Heathers old and new

2010-02-22T07:55:00.000-08:00

It's kind of hard to love this photo from Sharkey quite enough.

Heathers 147, Betties 118!

2010-02-20T19:54:00.001-08:00

Heathers 127, Betties 93, 11 min remaining

2010-02-20T19:36:00.001-08:00

Heathers por vida!

2010-02-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

Teqkillya, Sump Pump, Mr. Barfly.

Heathers 71, Betties 63 at the half.

2010-02-20T18:56:00.001-08:00

Quoth JeLLyPiG, "Smart derby is alive."

Heathers 48, Betties 31, 10 min left first half

2010-02-20T18:35:00.001-08:00

Grow a PAIR Tonight!!!

2010-02-20T12:31:00.000-08:00

Hey;

I got a FREE pair of VIP tix for tonights bout. You must be planning on attending to support and cheer for the Heathers...and the first one to email jellypigrcdd@yahoo.com .

Heartless Heathers v. Breakneck Betties

2010-02-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

photo by Skippy Steve

The Heathers roll again tomorrow night, Saturday the 20th, at the Oaks Hangar, against last year's RCR Champion Breakneck Betties.

As Captain Mobi has said elsewhere, the 2010 Heathers are a young team, full of potential, and intent on building cohesion and power as the year unfolds. Cadavers should enjoy seeing how their team of choice has developed since January's opening scramble. And Cadavers should let those Heathers hear some cheering.

The bout is sold out, but RCR's Live Stream is plenty available, both at your computer and on the big screen at Kay's Bar, still at SE Bybee & Milwaukie.

If Saturday's match is anything like last week's bout between the High Rollers and GnR, it will be an exciting game to watch. My quick gloss on last week's bout: the Guns controlled the pack, offense, and managed penalties well in the first half while the High Rollers did the opposite. And then things completely switched around in the second half with the High Rollers showing what they were made of, deploying solid pack control and dominating most jams, down to Sully's final spectacular run.

Dr. Snark N. Stein has a similar, though by no means identical, perspective over at the GnR Blog.

And Mike Chexx shared his insights on the bout last Monday in a Rose City Roller Radio episode. Go have a listen.

Comments anyone?

Heathers por vida!

Guns 'n' Rollers v. High Rollers

2010-02-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

photo by Skippy Steve

If you don't have tickets to tonight's sold-out bout at the Oaks Park Hangar, you can watch the live stream at the RCR website.

So great that RCR is doing this for their intraleague matches.

Via her Twitter feed, Rocket Mean informs us that the stream will be fed to a big screen at Kay's Bar.

Mike Chexx has an interesting and informative episode of Rose City Rollers Radio up, which includes a preview of tonight's bout, as well as a recap of AoA v. Miami, and some other RCR news.

Finally, last I checked there were still tickets available for next week's Heartless Heathers v. Breakneck Betties game, but I snagged three of those tickets for derby virgin friends, so if you are still among the ticketless, you had best make your move soon.

Heathers por Vida!

This will harsh any Valentine's buzz

2010-02-12T09:16:00.000-08:00

NicoVee presents the Anti-Valentine's Day Party video booth round-up of messages to exes. People who don't enjoy profanity or talk of a sexual nature will not enjoy this fantastic vid.

Congratulations Butcher Block, newest member of the Axles of Annihilation

2010-02-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

via AOA on Facebook.

Come Party with the Heathers, Saturday Feb 6 at Hollywood Vintage

2010-01-29T09:50:00.000-08:00

This is the big Fifth Annual Anti-Valentines Party to Die For! It starts Saturday, February 6 at 9 p.m. at Hollywood Vintage, 2757 NE Pacific St (Corner of NE 28th & Sandy).

Lots of action: Shake Joint, the PF Flyers, live Karaoke, spanking booth (expect to see George's special underwear), Human Wheel of Misfortune, skate-worthy floor (expect to see Dancing Scott working a precious groove), and Heathers galore playing dress-up.

Honestly, I can't think of a better party venue than Hollywood Vintage for girls who like dress-up parties as much as the Heathers do.

For Those About to Rocket, We Salute You

2010-01-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Twat Rocket, newest member the Axles of Annihilation.

photo by Sharkey

Congratulations to Former Heathers Captain Slaybia Majora

2010-01-23T16:20:00.000-08:00

New member of the B.A.D. All Stars.

photo by Delusional Photography

A Great Li'l Vid at the Lila Exposure Blog

2010-01-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

Hat Tip to Scratcher for the link to this post, with the great video clip at the end.

Oh yeah. Scores.

2010-01-18T13:00:00.001-08:00

Here are the scores from last Saturday's opening mini-tournament

Round 1:

Guns n Rollers 72, High Rollers 67

Heartless Heathers 41, Breakneck Betties 78

Consolation Round:

High Rollers 34, Heartless Heathers 54

Final Round:

Guns n Rollers 44, Breakneck Betties 60

Some tough bouting, that.

JeLLyPiG may be by with his comments in a top-line post. Meanwhile, if anybody has any thoughts on Saturday night's competition, feel free to leave a comment.

UPDATE: Bout coverage from the PSU Vanguard

Archived Boutcasts, Brutal Beauty Encore Screenings

2010-01-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

Them boutcasts be archived, in half-bout-sized morsels. Very nicely done, RCR. Bravo!

You know what else? Brutal Beauty Encore Screenings, Jan 26 - 28, 7 p.m. Hollywood Theater.

Sol Train: The Interview

2010-01-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

photo by Sharkey

Skater Name: Sol Train
Age: 36
Neighborhood: Alberta/King
Beverage of choice: Makers on the rocks with an IPA back
Heartless Heather since: Inception

CORONER: You do whitewater kayaking and rafting, you piloted a giant roller-skate off a ramp into the Willamette River, and you've been a major figure in Portland and national roller derby for years. When did you get your start as an adrenaline junky, and how has it developed through the years?

SOL TRAIN: I came by this honestly. I have been skiing since age 8. I had my first ambulance ride off the Mountain at 11 (hot doggin' some huge mogul run). I have always been into anything with wheels or water and making crazy stuff.

A lot of people I've talked to said that you got them into derby. Who got you into derby in the first place?

Megahurtz recruited me back when you'd see a big girl in a bar and try to convince them to join. We needed numbers.

Hurtz came by my place for some late after hours party and saw my skates sitting in the foyer. She asked if I skated, I replied "oh, yeah, all the time." I usually just cruised around the neighborhood. (which was quite a sight at the time; Rollerbladers would stop their tricks and hollar; "rollerSKATE!", ha) Anyway, I told Megahurtz to feel free to put on my skates and skate around the house. "I do it all the time". I have a natural little oval track in my house. She asked me to call her to skate sometime and I did. My first practice I didnt even realize it was roller derby. When she instructed me to bring all my pads and a helmet, I thought she was pretty conservative, or maybe thought I couldn't skate. So I rolled in with my construction and kayak pads and helmet. And as luck would have it, it was a low water year, meaning I was looking for something to do since there wasn't much kayaking or skiing.

Did you skate much as a kid?

Are you kidding? The coolest thing ever was Olivia Newton John and Xanadu. I went to Skateland every saturday. My sister and I made a track in our basement which had a 4 foot platform step you had to jump every lap! I even started derby on my Grandma's skates.

Did you grow up around here?

Nope. Grew up in Minneapolis. But I have lived here longer than anywhere else.

How long have you been Sol Train?

Not long before I started derby, say 8 months, a friend of mine confided that he and my kayaking buddies had been calling me sol train on all the videos. And since they were about to show the video on the big screen, and I would no doubt be there, they had to confess and asked if I was mad. I laughed. I told them no, and in fact I had just started a "soul train" at the bar the week before. When I came to derby, I just went with the nickname.

If I'm not mistaken, you've been on both the Heartless Heathers and the Wheels of Justice from the get-go. What's your take on the differences between intra-league and national level competition?

The Heathers are like the people I would call from the pokey; family. The Wheels of Justice is pure performance. A different reliance. More structure. Miss it though :)

What are some of the most memorable bouts of your career?

By far the most memorable bout for me was a travel team bout in 2006, I think it was against Sin City. I was jamming and doing pretty well, the crowd was on fire and began chanting my name; seriously like 3000 people. Holy crap. I didn't even have any friends in the audience.

Playing Oly in feb 09 was also pretty memorable. So ridiculously hardcore and the venue was so amazingly disgusting. It was almost renegade style. A ceiling tile even fell on Bitchin Camaro's head!

And of course, the first season's championship. We won. A rags to riches kinda story. We started with eight skaters. We trained super hard and won. Vom cried. It was amazingly emotional.

Now that your derby wife has moved on, are you heartbroken of are you playing the field?

Vom is and will always be my wife. :) We are still close and I miss seeing her so often. That said, I think we have always had an open relationship, ha.

Do you prefer jamming or being in the pack?

Hmmm....so difficult. The super ham in me love to jam. really. But the serious get it done part loves loves loves to frustrate, intimidate and get in people's heads as you can really only do as a blocker. It is just so much subtler believe it or not. Everyone notices the jammer. And honestly, I think I am a better blocker than a jammer.

What is your non-derby life?

I have my own business; Sol Creations. I do custom metal design and fabrication. In my free time (ha) I work on my house, kayak and ski mostly.

You have always been a big fan favorite - you even won the fan favorite trophy the first season. Does it creep you out a bit when fans see you on the street and start bowing down to you?

Well, it can be a little weird and gets a bit awkward when I am say on a date....try explaining that without coming across as a freak, ha. Although, when I got wind of "the church of sol train's ass", I was taken aback for a second, then cracked up. I have a pretty good sense of humor about all of it, I have to especially when my buddies witness it. They like to make sure I never get a big head.

Any opinions on how 2010 is looking for the Heathers?

This is a growing year for us. We have lots of young talent. We have not had much turnover until now, so need to make sure everyone is on the same page. No more referencing some obscure strategy from 2006. "Plan D!" It is just the beginning of the season though!

What should Cadavers keep in mind when they come to cheer on the Heathers this year?

First and foremost that we like it loud and proud! I am really looking to see the ridiculousness come back to the Rose City. I personally think we have gotten a bit too serious.. so lets turn it up! Love Always to the Cadavers! oooh, I got a chill...